


I don't love you

by Hukki



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Angst, Cheating, Dont comment hate on this, F/F, I wrote this probably around the time Lapis was being a bitch, Lapis is cheating on Jasper btw, Most of this is based off of personal experiences, Romance, Self-Harm, Sexual Themes, Suicide Attempt, Suicide Themes, Teen Angst, Teen depression, This ain't a happy fan fic at all folks, i guess they're ooc ?
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-06-13
Updated: 2018-10-18
Packaged: 2018-11-13 15:39:26
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 21
Words: 26,360
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11188173
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hukki/pseuds/Hukki
Summary: Human & Highschool AuSummary : Peridot... Well she's a quiet kid who doesn't get in anyone's way. When her and her mother move to beach city she ends up making friends with a middle schooler named Steven. She keeps to herself and concentrates on he studies, but gets bullied when she does one thing on her first day of school. Getting bullied causes her to fall in love with a girl and suffers because she can't have her. Because she already belongs to someone else and doesn't love Peridot romantically, she doesn't even love her at all.Warnings: | Sexual Themes | Foul Language | Violence |-updates whenever I can-





	1. Chapter 1

**Peridot's POV**

_I . Am . Terrified. What am I supposed to do? Im certainly gonna get beat up, mom just had to move us in the middle of the year! Wait... Maybe I'm just overreacting... Actually no! I'm not overreacting ! Im gonna get my ass beat because I'm the new kid ! Ugh! Maybe I can just keep my head down and not draw any attention to me ? Yes! Yes! I'll do that! No one will bother me if I don't bother anyone!_

After about an hour of debating on if I was going to school or not, I finally got up to get ready. I make my way to the bathroom and turn on the water, letting it warm up as I start brushing my teeth. My reflection looked terrible, bags under my eyes, pale skin tone, and acne. My horrible fucking acne that will never leave my face for some damn reason.  Sighing I finished quickly and hopped into the hot shower.

The water hit my light blonde hair, soaking it as I squeeze some shampoo onto my open palm. I back up a bit to get out of the water and lather my hair in shampoo. I wait a few seconds before rinsing then applying conditioner, I rinse then get out. 

I pick up my phone and noticed I have an extra hour so I decided to blow dry my hair, and apply some foundation to my horrible acne. I look at my reflection and slick back my short hair with gel, only to have the sides stick up. "I'm probably gonna be the only white kid at school again." I chuckle and stare at my light green eyes and freckles.

"Yeah I'll definitely be the only white kid."

I walk into my room and pull my white sweatshirt and green sleeveless vest on. I grab my bag then make my way downstairs, noticing the light was on. My mother was sitting at the table sipping on her coffee and watching the news.

"You're still here? I thought you left for work already." I say and avoid I contact with her, making my way to the front door.

"I start later today, I thought I could drop you off at school."

"No thank you, I'll walk to school... It's not that far from here anyways, see you later tonight." I leave before she can reply, I was immediately hit with the smell of salt in the air.

"Good one mom, move to some beach town in the middle of no where." I pull my hood over my head and put in my earbuds, blocking out sounds of waves crashing by. I start to walk down the road where my school is, well where everyone's school to be exact. Beach City High was also known as Beach City Elementry and Middle School, yeah that's how small the town was. So small that everyone had to share one school, we never had to deal this in our Home City.

I'm the mix of cursing this worthless town someone had the nerve to slam a wooden door open and HIT me in the stomach. "Oomph!" I grip my stomach and let out an agonizing groan.

"Can't you look before you fucking open the damn-"

"I'm so sorry!! I was in a hurry! My friends told me to hurry up I didn't see you there!" A boy the same height as me for some reason hugged me while repeating his apologies. (In human au I imagine them being around 5 feet tall)

"Steven come on we told your mother we'd get you too school on time !" A girl with pale pink hair and almost white skin said while poking her head out the car window.

"O-oh alright! Anyways sorry again ! I'm Steven! Let's talk again sometime!" He shakes my hands and runs into the car that held 2 other girls. "Byeeeeeeeee!" Steven yelled out the window while they drove away.

"Weird kid." I say under my breath and begin walking once again. Noticing almost everyone drives to school for some reason. Don't know why though, you can clearly just walk to it. But I soon found out why when water began to pour down on me.

"AGH!!!!"

"Need that ride after all Peridot?" My mother says behind me , I don't reply and just get into the car. She smirks at me and started the car up, the ride was quiet and quick. She said goodbye and I just waved while exiting the car.

My mother and I have a interesting relationship, we barely talk . Even though her and I live together in the same house and see each other every day. Well whatever, it doesn't really bother me. All I do for her is get good grades and she rewards me with tablets, iTunes cards and even a car that's just collecting dust in the garage.

"Hey! Hey you're the one from a few minuets ago! Hiiiiii!" This boy yells to me , what was his name again? Steven? I'm gonna go with Steven.

"Uhm yeah, Steven was it?" I stare at him and he nods.

"Yep!! I got to middle school here!! What's your name ??" He smiled brightly at me, geez this kid is probably on some serious happy pills.

"Peridot Diamond... If you're in middle school why are you on the High school part Beach City Academy?"  I pull out my phone, trying to send him the message to go away. But I guess he didn't get it and just rambled on.

"Well all my friends are high schoolers! Also my mom and dad work here in the Highschool portion! Also my friend Connie has a lot of classes here because she's the top- Hey! Why are you walking away!?"

"I gotta get my schedule Steven, why don't you go to your friends or something and leave me alone?" I say harshly while walking to the office, Steven just laughed and yelled a goodbye to me while I left. This damn kid is so annoying, dumb clod.

/

I finally received my schedule and start walking to my first period. I get to the locker rooms and sigh, Just had to be p.e. My hands push the door open and I keep my head down, refusing eye contact with anyone. I change my clothes quickly and leave the locker room to line up for today's class.

A couple of people stare at me and I feel a bit uneasy, you see I'm not the best at sports. To be exact it was what I was bullied for in my previous school. I shiver at the thoughts and sit down on the bleachers as everyone finishes changing.

"Hello there everyone I'm Ms. Fire." (Ruby) A older woman with some muscular build said while smiling at her students. "We are starting a new unit today in p.e !! Prepare for our wrestling unit!" There was a loud cheer from the upper part of the bleachers.

"Yes yes calm down Jasper... Anyways! I'll be demonstrating the rules and some moves! Garnet come up here."

A tall girl stood up, she stretched a bit before walking over to the mats set out. Mats Fucking mats! I saw them before I came in! Why didn't I notice ??? I calm myself down a bit when they started demonstrating.

The girls beside me whisper something about how 'sexiness runs in the fire blood line' I try to hold in a laugh, wow that sounded so ridiculous. I take a quick around and noticed girls and some boys drooling over Garnet and Ms.Fire demonstrating.   
Looks like I don't have a chance in the dating game here... Not like I ever had a chance with dating at all.

Ms.Fire and Garnet finish up the demonstration and the teacher started handing out wrestling helmets. I take mine cautiously and held it in my hands nervously. Every few second if drop it then pick it back up again.

"Since many of our students don't have the same weight class your partners will be chosen randomly. The rules will change a bit up too, if you're wrestling someone bigger then you just don't let them pin you and vica versa. I'll announce the first two people, Peridot Diamond."

FUCK OH FUCK THIS AIN'T GOOD

"And."

LORD PLEASE BE SOMEONE OR SOMETHING SMALLER THEN ME.

"Jasper Quartz."

That same loud cheer happened again, I turn my head and gulps audibly. A girl who was two times my  size with bulging muscles made her way down the steps. _Oh fuck I'm gonna get destroyed..._


	2. Chapter 2

**Peridot's POV**

You guys bet I took my sweet time getting onto the mat, I even pretended to not be able to figure out the head gear. But Garnet being all nice and willing to help, put it on me and wished me good luck. I really need luck because _IM JUST THIS SMALL SKINNY WHITE KID WITH NO MUSCLE MASS!_

I copy what they did in the demonstration and look slightly up at my opponent. This girl was smirking at me, she wouldn't look half bad if it wasn't for that smirk. 'Jasper' as our teacher called her, had whitish hair and amber eyes with what look like a severe sun burn through out her body. Geez ever heard of sun block you female monster?

"Alright Peridot you don't have to pin Jasper, just make sure she doesn't pin you. And if she does pin you that's alright! It's just p.e class ! You guys start on my whistle."

My hands starts to shake and I regret waking up and coming to school today. I just know I'm gonna get pinned so quick it's gonna be embarrassing and I'll get teased about. Then she blew the whistle, Jasper sprung down for my legs. I panicked and grabbed her arms and pushed them down, making her head slam into the mat. Clearly taking her from surprise, the kids even in the bleachers were surprised.

"Good move Peridot!" Ms.Fire yells and I move out of Jasper's site while she gets back up again. She turns to me and growls, I shook slightly and squeaked when Jasper finally got me down. I landed on my back but before she could pin me down I switched onto my stomach; groaning at what I thought was my ribs cracking,

"Why you little!" Jasper lifted me up by my shirt and slammed me onto the mats again.

"Mom she can't be able to do that!" Garnet yelled from her seat, getting angered with Jasper's childish acts. Ruby nodded and pushed Jasper to the end of the mat.

"Jasper no spamming it's not WWE alright kid? That was enough anyways, you guys went through all three rounds. You could not pin Peridot successfully, so you lost... Congratulations Peridot, you're the winner."

I blush hard and only about three people actually cheered for me, the only one I knew was Garnet. But I assumed the other two were the tall girl's friends.  
Ms.Fire took my wrestling headgear and sent me back to the bleachers. I get back to my isolated corner and close my eyes. That was the craziest thing in my life... Maybe I can just forget about this when-

"Agh!" I yell out, everyone then started laughing. I look down at my lap and noticed its soaked with strawberry bubble tea, I looked up and Jasper poured the rest onto my face and head. Right when I thought it couldn't get any worse it did, I tried to get up but was stopped and punched back down into a sitting position.

"JASPER! Principals office now!" Ms.Fire pulled Jasper way from her, letting me finally get up and run to the locker room. Away from the loud laughing crowd of teenagers.

/

I took a quick shower and rinsed off the strawberry bubble tea all the while holding a tissue to my nose. It didn't seem like Jasper didn't cause much damage, just a busted lip and bloody nose. I'll just keep quiet about this, I don't need mother making a big deal out of it.

/

I find myself in s empty hallway, I'm sure the p.e teacher won't mind me leaving early. I start to search for my locker that they gave me, it wasn't that hard to find and I was glad. I opened it and put my dirtied p.e clothes in. "Ugh my hair probably looks like shit."

"Need some gel?"

I screeched once again and slammed the locker door on my hand. This time I wanted to scream out in pain but inhaled deeply, "Uhm only if you'd like to lend me some." I avoided eye contact but I knew it was a girl just by the voice.

"I would love to lend you some gel... But it looks like you need help with your hand." She said sweetly and opened the door so my hand could be freed. An awkward laugh came from my mouth while rubbing my hand.

"Names Lapis Lazuli, you're Peridot if I remember?"

"Heh yeah it is -" I look up and stop mid sentence , oh wow this Lapis Lazuli girl is so pretty... She's like a bit tall too... Her eyes are blue just like her hair, they really stand out because her skin is a tan color. Oh crap she notices me staring what do I do !?

"Well here's the hair gel." She handed over a small container of it, "I'm sorry about Jasper... She gets a little angry sometimes."

"Heh you tell me, never thought I'd get punched on my first day at school. Always thought a week would pass by then the real beating will start." I laugh a bit and she smiles at me, a blush crept onto my cheeks.

"Well I hope you can forgive her, she's not always an angry body builder. I'll get her to apologize too... Well see you around, don't worry about the gel you can give it back tomorrow. Hope the rest of your day goes fine." She leaned down and kissed my cheek tenderly , she pulled away and giggled. Probably because of the major red blush on my face...

"Bye Peri ~" She waved to me and walked into the locker rooms. I tried to stutter out s goodbye but she was already out of ear shoot.

/

"Wow she was really something." Lapis's appearance stuck it's self to my brain like a piece of glue. Wait I should stop thinking about her , she's way out of my league anyways. I sigh then get some gel and slick my hair back, the sides pop up again like usual. No one would want to date me... I'm just a cringey white kid who gets beat up... Heh story of my life...

/

My next class was English, a subject that I'm way better at then P.E. I take a unoccupied seat in the back and set my bags down. It was a small class, not a surprise since my P.E class was small too. I took out my notebook and pencil and waited patiently.

"Hey it's you from this morning and P.E class! Garnet , Pearl, check it out she has English with us too."

I flinch and turn to the small group of girls, they all give me a smile. "Are you okay? You received a pretty bad looking punch from Jasper. Oh also my names Pearl."  Oh so that's her name...

"Yeah I'm fine... Just a busted lip and bloody nose, nothing big really. You're that kid's friends right?"

"Oh Steven ? That little dude is like a brother, we're his babysitters but we don't mind hanging with him. He's pretty chill, by the way I'm Amethyst."

"Uh hello then." I say awkwardly to them while fidgeting in my seat. The tallest one stuck her hand out, this is Garnet I already knew that. She gave me a small smile, I smiled back shook her hand.

"I'm not a person of much words but if Jasper gives you trouble, just come and get me and I'll help. Peridot." 

"Hah don't worry I plan to stay away from everyone-" My eyes catch the appearance of Lapis as she walked in. Oh I can give her the gel back right now! "U-Uhm I'll be back real quick, I need to return something!" I grab the gel from my bag and start walking over to her.

"Uh bro you shouldn't." I heard Amethyst say but I already left by the time she was done talking me. Alright Peridot just act normal and give her the gel back. She sat down and I touched her shoulder and offered a smile.

"Thanks for the gel ! I didn't realize we had another class together-"

"Get away from me."

"Huh?"

I stared at Lapis and she just rolled her eyes, What happen to her? She wasn't acting like this earlier...  
"I-I um just wanted to return the gel." Lapis then got up and took gel from my hands. I was gonna apologize for bugging her but was stopped when Lapis took a scoop of gel and smashed it into my face.

"I said get away."

"I-I'm sorry." I wipe off some of it and go to my desk, grabbing my bag I ran straight out of there. There was small giggles when I entered the hallway, it started to become to much so I let the tears slip from my eyes.  I went into a nearby class room and locked the door behind me.

My back hit the door and I slid down it, holding my hands to my face. I let out a loud sob and felt my body start to shake.

"Aw, why are you crying Hun?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Just a lil heads up that's not how actual wrestling is, I just changed it up the rules for this chapter.


	3. Chapter 3

Peridot's POV

"W-what?"

"Why are you crying Hun?" 

I look up and noticed an older woman smiling down at me. She took my face into her hands and wiped my tears away with her thumbs. 

"I-I'm sorry for running into your class room... I didn't watch where I was going..." She just smiled at me and rubbed my cheek.

"I don't mind at all, I'm the choir teacher Misses Fire . (Sapphire) You might already know my wife if you had P.E already." 

Misses Fire pulls away from me and walks to her desk. "Come sit over here and tell me about yourself." Her voice was so calm I couldn't resist, I felt safe with her. Sounds a lot like Garnet , haha. 

"I um, well I'm Peridot my mother and I just moved here a week ago. Also I'm a Junior. That's basically it, I'm not a very interesting kid." I rubbed the back of my neck awkwardly, she just smiled at me. 

"That can't be true, everyone has something special about them. There has to be something interesting about you Peridot." 

"I mean... I took up piano lessons a year or two ago... But I could never make my own music, I could only play pieces that already existed." 

She keeps smiling and reaches out to grab my hand, I let her and she clutches it tight. "See? That's something wonderful! You should try out for Beach City Academy's orchestra, I heard that Mr.Universe is searching for a pianist !" 

"W-what?! Oh no I can't do that! Like I said I can't write my own music! I would suck at it!" I take my hand from her and shove them into my vest pockets.   
She sighs, I was about ready to get up and leave but Misses Fire spoke up again. 

"You're afraid of something, but of what Peridot?" 

I gulp and grip the arm chairs, I just wanted to cry because the memories came back from previous years and the ones from today. She notices this and strokes my face, whispering something along the lines of 'Don't worry you can let it out.' I sniffled a bit and turn to her. 

"I'm afraid of getting embarrassed and people making fun of me... For some reason I always get picked on even though I just sit there and stay quiet. Then when I try to be nice and friendly they just tear me down! I can't even make friends..." Even though I told myself not to cry, I just couldn't help it right now. With out my permission they just started emptying out of me. 

"That's totally natural Peridot, we all feel embarrassment! You just gotta sometimes stick up for yourself and screw everyone else because they don't matter! Now don't let anyone tell you otherwise!" 

She hugged me tightly and then gave me the biggest cheesy smile I ever saw. Wait ... Did I just spill my feelings out to a woman I basically met a few seconds ago? Sure she was a teacher but...Agh I don't know I should leave now.

Ring!

The school bell rang which signaled it was time for me to leave and cry somewhere else. I uttered out a quick goodbye but Misses Fire tossed a small note pad to me. 

"If you ever fill sad, right down your feelings into a poem of some sorts, and maybe if it sounds good you can turn it into song lyrics." 

"Uh sure... Bye Misses Fire." 

Weird Lady... But she was nice though... Hm maybe I'll visit her again sometime... I walk out of the classroom and make my way through the busy hallways. Since I didn't really have anywhere to go I just sat behind a smaller school building . It was quiet and no was around that could hurt me. I start to relax and close my eyes, trying to calm my still sniffling nose.

"What ya doing Peri?" 

"AHHHH!" 

WHY DOES EVERYONE DO THIS TO ME!? I jump out of place and hug the ground for dear life. Getting completely scared shitless for the 10th time today wasn't helping anything. 

"Oh I'm sorry, I shouldn't of startled you ." She giggled and helped me off the floor. It's Lapis, I already know by the sound of her voice. When she helps me up I don't dare look at her, afraid of what was gonna happen if I did. 

"Nah it's alright, it's alright... Is this where you hang out? Sorry I'll leave right now!" I try to make a run for it but she stops me. 

"I just wanted to return your notebook... You left it when you ran out." 

"Ah thanks." I take it from her and quickly turn away, "I'll be on my way bye!" She grabs my arm and pulls me back towards her. Oh god not another beat down, please no. 

"Peri , sorry for smashing gel in your face earlier... I just have a reputation to uphold, it hurt me to hit that pretty face of yours. Could you forgive me?" Her hand grabbed my face harshly and stared into my eyes. I wanted to say something but couldn't muster out a word. She just giggled and kept staring into my eyes, not letting me look away. 

"You're sweet and nice you know that? I would never hurt you again if you give me another chance Peri . I would even makeup for my rude behavior toward you." 

I gulped and ended up sighing in defeat, I'll just forgive her so she'll leave me... 

"Lapis, I forgive you alright? Sorry for bugging you earlier I kind of provoked you I guess... I'll just go on my way now-" 

Lapis leaned forward and kissed me, her eyes opened when she did it. I kiss back softly and I felt her smile against my lips, I watched her finally close her eyes and immerse herself into the kiss. She's really sweet when she's not faking an irritated attitude. 

She pulled away from me and giggled, "Was that your first kiss?" Lapis asked, her breath still on my lips. 

"Actually no, I um... Did a bit of things with a friend at my old school." She smiled at me and kisses my lips one more time. Lapis winks at me and leans in to whisper into my ear , "Let's keep this as our secret okay? I could come here sometimes and kiss you and stuff... Only if you don't bug or talk to me in class or in front of people... Got it Peridot ?" 

 

"U-uh yeah sure! I'll Uhm leave you alone for a while don't worry. I'll do you one better and leave you alone for the rest of our High School years ! Alright bye!" I leave her successfully this time and walked into the open quad, there were many people so worrying about Lapis finding me wasn't a problem.

I take a breather and try to clear my head, everything's so confusing... My hand reached up to my lips, the kiss was still fresh in my mind. A bright blush spread out through my face , just barely realizing I was KISSED by practically a stranger. Not to mention but that stranger was an ass trying to with hold her school reputation. But she was sweet earlier and a few minuets ago... Maybe that's why I still like her...

WAIT... I like her? I mean she's nice and stuff... Well only when were alone... 

That's when I realized that...

I'm in love with Lapis Lazuli...


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Suicide Trigger , no one dies; but yeah there's that in here

  

 

Peridot's POV

My classes went by surprisingly fast, I was more then happy to start walking home. I walk out of the school and groan in frustration, I forget it rains like every 30 minuets crap... Mom can't come and get me either... Looks like I have no choice then... I pull my hood up and proceed to walk home. 

While walking I decided to take a detour and walk down to the nearby beach. It was actually quite pleasant, I found myself sitting near the water. Watching the waves crash onto the shore, sheesh this is so boring... Why did I come over here again? Im just watching water crash as it collides with me.. I sigh and pull myself away from the salty water, taking a seat on a nearby rock. 

What did misses Fire say ? Write down your thoughts?... Maybe I'll try it out... just for a little bit...

I reach into my bag and pull it the note bad Misses Fire gave to me... God I hope I can do what she says, it seems all pretty stupid. I hugged and took out my pen thinking about everything that had happened. Not only from today, but from my many years in different schools. Then like a river, it just started to flow out is me. 

How can I reminisce in a place like this? I write, actually pretty impressed with myself. Getting deeper into though, I figured that I didn't wanna remember anything. Which caused me to write the next part of this so called 'song'.

No hope for memories... When I look back all I see is darkness... After that I found myself in a slump and pushed the notepad into my pockets. Forgetting about the writing and just taking in the view again. But I quickly got up and made a run for it, noticing that Jasper and Lapis were walking along the water.   
I wasn't about to get smashed into the sand because Jasper might think I was following them. 

Luckily I made it out unnoticed and leaned against a big rock, trying to catch my breath. I touch my lips, remember the way Lapis kissed me. She made things so fucking confusing... Like who smashes gel in someone's face then kisses them? What the fuck was that all about?! I groan and start walking back home, ignoring Steven as I passed by him. I didn't wanna speak to anyone, I hated myself and the world at the moment. 

The house was empty, nothing big there mother was never home. I throw my shit on the ground and sit at the kitchen table. Tears streaming down my face as I think over everything that went down. No wonder I used to drugged up on anti-depressants, my social life is utter shit. I grip the table and let out a choked sob, before screaming out. 

"I love her! I love her! This is tearing me apart! Why is she acting like this! She humiliated me and I still want her!! WHY!!!" I screamed louder and louder, getting myself off the chair and going into the kitchen. I was so fed up wit life it wasn't even funny, why would someone have the nerve just to do that too me?! I Fucking did nothing wrong! And they're doing this!!! 

I grabbed the bottle of painkillers from the drawer and opened up the small bottle of vodka mom always kept around. Looking down at the pills in my hand, I sniffle and close my eyes. Putting the bunch into my mouth and taking a huge gulp of the vodka. The last think I remember was seeing my front door bust open and people run towards me. 

I wake up and fill like utter shit, I feel the tube down my throat and know my stomach got pumped. It wasn't the first time this had happened.... Sadly to say... But I feel a bit better about myself for some reason. Maybe because I had a moment of realization? That Lapis is being a bitch? That was a pretty good realization if you asked me. I sigh and looked around me, noticing I was the only patient in here. 

Cool I guess... I see some flowers on the stand and pick up the note from it. The writing is actually pretty sloppy but I somewhat managed to read it. 

Hey Peri! Its me Steven! I hope you're doing well! The doctors said you'd be fine... Ill send a friend over today to drop off your homework! Once you get out of there you gotta personally thank Garnet and Pearl! They were the ones that heard your yell and brought you here. I know you might think you're alone but, you're not okay? 

I put the note down and sighed, staring up at the ceiling as I wonder about all the shit I did. Mom wasn't going to be happy that I tried to kill myself, again. It's not so much that she cared about why I tried to do it, it's all the paper work she has to do. Which is probably not true, but that's how I feel whenever this kind of stuff happens.

My clothes are neatly folded right next too me, with the small notepad on stop. Huh, that's still there... Well since I'm incapable of doing really anything right now... I'll write more crap.... My hand reaches out and grabbed the notepad, grabbing it successfully then bribing it to my chest. I don't enjoy the tube down my throat, it kind of surprises me that they didn't take it out yet. 

Whatever, they're the doctors I shouldn't question them. I began to think of what the next lyric would be too. Well... let's think... it's my second time in the hospital... After they find out I'm awake, they'll probably prescribe me more medication. I think about the nurses that always told me to follow them, to find out what I needed. So I began writing the next part of the song, finally finding a way to world it.

Follow me...I can show you all the pills that you need... 

Writing the next lyric wasn't that hard, I just took the previous one and switched it up a bit. 

Follow me... Were you aware of all the pills that you need?

I was gonna continue but my attention went to the door when I notice someone come in. Maybe it was a nurse or something, coming in to take the tune out. I put my note pad to the side and laid still there. When the curtain around my bed opened a little bit more, I finally find out that it isn't a nurse. 

It's Lapis. 

A/N:. Also the 'song' that Peridot is writing, is actually a real one. Just wanted to say I do not own the song, don't wanna get copy written lol!


	5. Chapter 5

Peridot's P.O.V

You ever feel that feeling? That feeling of practically getting by hit by a truck and your body's just limp? That's how it felt seeing Lapis walk through the curtains around my bed. I didn't wanna see her at fucking all, considering she's the one who practically drove me into this place.

I opened my mouth to say go away, but nothing comes out. The stupid fucking tube down my throat makes me gag when I try to talk. She seemed almost amused and it disgusted me, but she did look pretty. Fucking shut up Peridot, she's the reason why you had to get your stomach pumped. I tell myself and lay still, not even looking at Lapis anymore.

"Steven told me to drop of your homework, so here it is." She plopped it down sloppily on the table and looked down at me. Lapis seemed hurt? For what god damn reason though? She wasn't the one laying in bed with a tube down her throat, and probably a shit loud of doctors waiting to give you psychological pills.

"Were my kisses that horrible that you had to kill yourself? Oh Peridot... you just haven't learned to enjoy them yet..."

I watch as she gets onto my hospital bed, and practically crawls up to my face. My breath hitched and I don't know what to do in this situation. She leans in and kissed my lips, in a very awkward way. I panic and breath heavily because, I have a freaking tube down my neck and a female kissing me. Isn't this basically sexual assault, I could totally get her in trouble for this.

But I know that I won't tell anyone, because Lapis told me not too. I close my eyes and begin to kiss back, gagging a bit from the tube. Lapis let out a dark chuckle and bit on my bottom lip, tugging it slightly. It felt so good, especially when it's Lapis that's going it. Now I understand why I'm so in love with her, she's so wonderful.

Wait no she's not! She's they reason why I'm in here! Ugh why is she making this so difficult!!

I push her away slightly, breaking the kiss. Lapis seemed surprise but heard another person walk in. She hopped off the bed and stood by my side, almost like she was just watching over me. The curtains opened again and it's Jasper, she looks at Lapis then over me. She's holding a few cups of milk tea and tosses one to her girlfriend before sitting next to Peridot.

"Here, this is for you once they get that tube outta ya body." She sets the cup of milk tea next to me and I give her a thumbs up. Hoping that it was enough to show that I was grateful for the drink. Every so slowly I sit myself up a bit and looked around at Lapis then Jasper, noticing them eyeing each other. Oh god did Jasper find out about her and I kissed? Sweet lord please just kill me now so it can be over.

"So I've been thinking and, I didn't mean to tease ya to nearly kill your self. Just a bit of rough housing ya a bit, there's nothing wrong with that right?" Jasper stopped talking then took a deep breath. "Anyways, why don't ya sit with me and Lapis at lunch? Maybe hang out with us on breaks a shit... I'll beat up any body that messes with you mentally or physically."

You better beat up your girlfriend because Jesus Christ she's the main reason why I tried to kill my self. But of course I couldn't tell Jasper that, at the moment I couldn't tell her shit. I just took a deep breath and gave her a thumbs up. Once I saw the smile on Jasper's face I knew that she was pleased. She stood up and patted my head before waving too me.

"I'm gonna be in the car Lapis, meet me there after you say goodbye to Peridot alright."

Lapis nodded and watched as he girlfriend left the room before looking back at me. She smiled, then kissed my lips softly like it was some freaking friendly thing. "Now you can be around me a bit more, isn't that great? We can sneak around so much easier now! Jasper's your average dumb joke so she won't suspect you and I are fooling around." Her lips once again press theirs next to mine then she bounces off.

/

I was right about my mother being angry, but she wasn't angry that much. Since it was the second time she just rolled her eyes and signed off the papers for me. Thanks mom I can feel the love all the way from my hospital bed. Whatever though, doesn't bother me anyways. I'm finally out of the hospital after a week and will be returning to school today. I seriously didn't wanna hang out with Jasper today at all. She wasn't the problem at all, I kinda appreciate her and apologizing to me. The problem with it was Lapis,I wouldn't usually care. But she freaking basically sexually assaulted me in the hospital! Who the hell does that?

I take a deep breath and tried to calm all the nerves in my body. Everything is gonna be alright I tell myself and pull out the note pad. Thinking of things I could put next as I waited for the time to start walking. I look in the mirror and noticed that nothing really changed about my appearance. I was still decently good looking despite all of the medication I was on. Hmm

Medicate with chemicals.. still beautiful despite the disease?

I look down at the lyric and shrugged, it seemed to fit well so let it be. It was funny how they drugged you up on so much shit, just so you can feel the pain. It was almost like they pumped ya with drugs so you got better and pass the front desk to get out of their lives. Huh, I could actually write something to go like that....

Stabilizing sanity to pass... the process and finally be free...

It wasn't exactly what I wanted to write, but hey. It got the message down... I hope. I notice the time and started to walk to school. Grabbing my umbrella and going out the door. Mother was already at work so there was nobody to say goodbye too. I sigh and began walking down the street; until a huge truck pulled up next too me.

"Heh Peri! Get in the back seat! We're gonna go have some fun! How about you join us? You have to join us even if you say no! I had Amethyst call and pretend to be your mother, now hope in the back!"

I look up and see Jasper shouting out the window, Lapis right next to her. Well since they already called in for me I didn't even see it as a big deal. I shrugged and opened the back door, slipping in easily. The bigger girl smirked at me and dropped a package into my hand.

"That's yer jacket! I had it made just for you! I'm sure you'll like it."

I watch her light a cigarette don't won't say anything. I just uttered out a quick 'thanks' and open up the package. It's a green leather jacket and I smile, thankful that she caught on to my favorite color. On the front on the left side, had this small alien on it then my name in curved text on the bottom of it. Then when I flipped it over; it was the same alien but bigger. This time with the words 'They're Fucking Real" on the bottom.

I let out a laugh and put on the jacket, okay today was a bit better then I expected it to be. "I love it Jasper, it's freaking great I owe you big time." I see her smile then the she stepped on the gas pedal. Causing my body to go back against he seat, I let a nervous lap escape from my lips. Then I notice something out of the corner of my eye, Lapis is watching me. She had the same sly look in her eyes whenever she was gonna do something to me.

A/N; just saying to everyone that this is not a lovey dovey book.


	6. Chapter 6

Peridot's P.O.V

When we came up to a stop light, I gulped as Lapis turned and looked at Jasper. She inched closer to her and kissed the girl's cheek. Whispering something that made Jasper chuckle and make a sharp right turn. I grab onto my seatbelt for dear life, regretting agreeing to go with them in the first place. 

Mother I love you, if I do not see you after today.... I'll uh .... have god reach you through some weird spiritual contact to deliver my message!!

Then all of a sudden, we stopped driving. I open an eye and look out the window, afraid to find out I'm dead. But no we're not...sadly... We just seemed to stop and park on a street. I was gonna ask but Jasper got our and started walking down the sidewalk. 

"Uh... Do we follow her or something?" 

"No." 

Lapis turns and looks at me, a neutral expression on her face. I felt like asking more, but I didn't feel like staring into Lapis's eyes anymore. I look down at the floor of the car and keep to myself, that's when she asks me a question. 

"Peri,  you're a virgin aren't you?" 

My cheeks light up like a Christmas tree! How dare she question what I've done! Even though I actually haven't had sex... That's not the point though! She's trying to embarrass me! What the hell?! 

"W-What ? Me? Psh nah, I uh... I did that back in 9th- ." 

"Peri you're stuttering and blushing like a embarrassed person. You're one of the biggest virgins in school huh?" 

I shrink in my seat and try to hide behind the collar of my leather jacket. Which really didn't do anything because Lapis still laughed at me. I wanted to defend myself but that wasn't really a good idea. I'd just embarrass myself more and Lapis's laughing would continue. 

"It's fine, not everyone is up for that stuff... So I won't tease you too much about that... Oh and by the way." She stopped mid sentence to light a cigarette and inhale some of the smoke. "You know when you like busted a nut and ran away from me after our kiss?" 

Lapis turned her towards me, staring into my eyes. I couldn't say anything, instead I just nod and look back. She smirked and inhales from the cigarette again, this time blowing smoke into my face. I cough slightly and cover my nose, not enjoying the smell at all. 

"Just telling you now, you're not gonna have a normal easy high school life. Jasper is great and all, but let's face it. She's a fucking idiot that spends most of her time either at practice or drinking and smoking. There is no time for her to give me any attention, it's so dumb." 

I see sadness in her eyes for a moment and gulp. The only things I really knew about Jasper were... Well that she's a dick and was dating Lapis. I force myself to look at Lapis, wanting her to finish speaking. 

"That's where you come in Peri, you're decently good looking. Tell good jokes, can most likely help me with homework." She laughed and tossed the cigarette out the window, already bored of it. "You can be my go to gal. I'll give you a call when I wanna make out, or even just cuddle." 

Lapis began to climb over the front seat, smiling down at me. Before I knew it she was in my lap and her smirk grew even more. I wanted to push her off, tell her that none of this was good. That doing this with me is cheating, and will end badly. 

But instead I accepted the kiss that Lapis planted on my lips. My hands grabbed her hips and she tangles her hands in my hair. I'm not sure on how to kiss properly, it seems to be working for Lapis though. I feel her tongue press against my lips and I immediately open my mouth. Our tongues intertwined and I utter out a weak moan. We continue to kiss until she's the first one to pull away. 

Our lips are slick with spit and Jesus Christ I'm blushing like the awkward virgin I am. Lapis just smiled at me and kissed down my neck. Just by the slightest touches I can feel myself growing aroused. This was really bad, I'm a horrible person for accepting this type of act. 

"H-Hey come on Lapis, I'm not really the type of person to be doing this with. Also you're like cheating on Jasper? There's also a high chance we might get caught-" 

I yelp out when Lapis bites into my neck and sucks on the spot. I wanted to say ow and tell her to stop, but I don't know why I didn't. I just sit there, limp against the seat as Lapis did what she wanted. She pulled away and pushed the bangs out of her face, smiling down at me. 

"Jasper is stupid and oblivious to everything, the last thing she'd expect is me doing stuff with you. Now just keep it a secret and satisfy my needs time to time okay?" 

She kissed me again, nibbling on my bottom lip as she slightly pulled away. Lapis pulled out her phone and stared at it, before getting in the driver's seat. I watch her begin to drive, looking a little spooked for some reason.

"So uh, what's going on?" 

I ask and she doesn't turn around to look at me, instead I see Jasper running towards the car. She practically throws herself into the passenger seat and Lapis drives off. I look around, seeing if Jasper was being chased; but she wasn't. 

"Sorry for the scare, the cops showed up at our dealers house. I had to jump over at least 3 fences and got chased by 2 dogs. But I got the pot!" Jasper said with a smile, proud of herself I guess. After about 30 minuets, we pull into a deserted part of the beach. All of us get out and I sit down on a nearby rock, mingling my own business. 

Until Jasper came my way and offered a foul smelling cigarette to my face. I never thought marijuana would smell this bad, what the actual fuck. I look up at her, one eyebrow raised and Lapis laughs at this interaction. 

"God Peri, just take a hit off the joint." 

She rolled her eyes and Jasper pressed it between my lips. I don't know what to do, mother always told me not to give in to peer pressure. But Jasper's big and scary and I really don't want to irritate her. 

"Uhhh sure." 

I grab the joint from Jasper's hand, so I can't control the action myself. Without even thinking, I press it to my lips and breath in. Holding it in for a little bit before blowing it out. I quickly pass it back and start coughing hard. Jasper laughs at me and pats my back before sitting next to Lapis. 

As my lungs began to tank in fresh air once more, I see Jasper and Lapis beginning to make out. I gag to myself and get up, walking away towards the water. But before I left, I turned to look at the couple once again. Finding that Lapis was staring straight at me while Jasper kissed her. She winked and I gulped, averting my gaze and continuing my walk to the ocean. 

Fuck my life, fuck it to the fullest, I'm fucking my new friend's girlfriend, and no one knows, this is just gonna turn to fucking shit I know it.


	7. Chapter 7

Peridot's  P.O.V

"God Peri stop being such a scrub." 

Lapis pressed me down onto the warm sand, her devilish smirk making me a bit uncomfortable. Jasper hadn't came to school today, probably at some sporting event that I really don't care about. So Lapis pulled me out of class and we skipped to the nearby beach. It started out with playful bantering and pushing each other around, until Lapis pulled out a bottle of vodka and insisted we drink it. 

I of course declined the girl's offer, but Lapis doesn't really listen to me or anyone in that sense. Kind of the reason she was straddling me and trying to pour the liquor into my mouth. It was kind of arousing if I had to be honest, that's when some not safe for work images of Lapis invaded my senses. Which caused a major blush break out upon my cheek and wow Lapis enjoyed it.

"So cute my little Peri." 

She went to kiss me and my dumb ass actually leaned up to return it. But right when our lips were gonna touch, Lapis forcefully shoved the bottle into my mouth. DAMMIT! UGH AT LEAST ITS FLAVORED... Slowly, I begin to drink the strong yet sweet tasting alcohol. I was so glad to she took the bottle away eventually because I felt myself drowning in the substance. I take a deep breath and rubbed my head, already feeling the headache forming.

"Oh you overreact! But hey you did finish half the bottle, I'm very proud." 

Lapis down the rest of the bottle and I'm fascinated with out she drinks it so eloquently. This girl was truly beautiful, I'm slightly jealous that Jasper technically has her heart. God damn, I want you to be mine Lapis.... I mentally say to her, knowing I will never be able to actually express my feelings . It's been about 3 weeks since we started this little side thing and to be honest it's very frustrating. I knew it wasn't going to be hard to hide this from Jasper. I just never really knew how NAIVE Jasper could actually be in her relationship with Lapis.

"Hey dork you're staring to much." 

"Sorry, I'm not used to pretty girls on top of me." 

"You're such a-"

Yeah I know what she was going to say, I honestly didn't give a shit. I placed my hands on her hips and sat up, pressing my lips against hers. If she could assault me with random kisses and ass grabs, so could I! I also feel a bit adventurous since the vodka had completely took control over my body.  So as of right now I was just another drunk horny teenager to the world. 

Apparently Lapis enjoyed it too, I could tell by the way she wrapped her arms around my neck. Tugging me closer into the kiss and slightly rocking her hips against mine. We might've been fooling around for the last 3 weeks , but nothing really went beyond kissing and groping. Sex was like an unspoken act that we really haven't even considered, she probably leaves that for Jasper to do. 

I feel her pull away from the kiss and I open my eyes that watch her, not expecting the girl to take off her shirt. Lapis wasn't one to wear a bra, mostly because she didn't see the point in one. Her breasts were perky and only around an A cup, probably a B cup at most. I blush even more because I realized that I was staring so much and Lapis was giggling. 

"Don't be shy." 

I hear her say and for some reason I can't control my next movements that happen. My mouth attached itself to one of of Lapis's perky nipples and I suck slightly, making her moan out. Gosh she's so beautiful ... I use my free hand to cup her other breast and slightly pinched her sensitive nipple. Hearing her moans just caused this side to me to come out and crave more of her. In all actuality I'm not a really sexual person, I keep to myself and masturbate when I need too.

With Lapis though, she just changed everything and fucked me up so much. I kinda liked it, I kinda wanna kill myself because of it... But we don't talk about that second part much. Also the alcohol is already getting to me so I don't know how long I'll be conscious. I pull away from Lapis's breasts and look up at her with probably the most dumb founded look ever. 

"Yeah?" 

"I'm sleepy." 

I giggle and she smiled at me, grabbing her shirt; covering her body. Lapis stroked my cheek and rolled next to me, never breaking eye contact. "Cuddle me." I don't tell her no, because damn Lapis was so warm when we cuddled. I wrap my arms around her and pulled her close, kissing her tanned skin. Lapis falls asleep before me, not surprising considering she did drink most of the bottle. So I watch her for a few moments , still wishing that we were more than just a agreement. 

"I love you..." 

I whisper to her, and I nearly screamed when Lapis's eyes shoot open and stare at me. I shrink back in my hoodie, acting like a scared turtle who just wanted his shell. Suddenly she stroked my cheek and brings her face closer. Lapis then kisses me softly, lightly biting my bottom lip as she pulls away. I opened my mouth to say something but Lapis beats me too it. 

"I don't." 

She turns away from me, but kept my arms wrapped around her. I was on the verge of tears by then, it was a miracle that I didn't drop down and cry. I nuzzled the back of Lapis's shirt , trying to make the best out of this situation. It took me a moment to realize that I stained her shirt with my tears that I didn't even notice spill. I bite my lip hard, stopping myself from sniffling and making this even worse.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGGGGGGERRRRRR WARNINGGGGGGGG

Peridot's P.O.V

 

My crying eventually brought me into a long awaited nap, which made my head hurt even more when I woke up. I push myself off of the sad and looked to the side, noticing that Lapis had left. Wow , now I really feel used... She didn't even stay... I wipe a tear, not even noticing that one had slipped out. I bring my knees up to my chest and I let out a scream, something I've been holding in. At the moment everything was too much too bear and I don't know why I do this. 

"You fucking idiot!" 

I scream at myself and grab at the sand beneath me, I throw the handfuls of sand. Trying to release all the pain and anger that was building up inside me but nothing really did it. I throw myself around like a child, letting a mixture of screams and cry out. I was relieved that no one was on the beach, it saved me from more embarrassment. Eventually I pull myself off the ground and pick up my backpack, starting my walk home. Mom won't be home so that will save me from telling her where I was and what I did.

Looking around be I notice that the lights were coming on, I wasn't really aware about how long I was asleep. I shrug it off mad pull out my phone, reading the messages Jasper had sent me. She was  just telling me about how many medals she won today, which I really didn't care about. But either way I said good job and sent a boat load of emojis after the sentence. 

Mom isn't home when I finally make it there, which I wasn't thankful for. I lock the door behind me and go into the kitchen. I walk over to my mother's liquor cabinet and pull out the biggest bottle that was there. It was plain vodka, nothing that fancy, it also tasted like crap; not to mention it burned your throat. Sighing, so take a shot glass from the cupboard and go to the kitchen table.  I poured myself a shot and went to grab the little note pad from bag. I feel like shit already, might as well do something other than cry.

I flip to a new fresh page and down the shot, coughing a bit before pouring myself another one. I stare down at the blank page, nothing progressing in my mind. Wow to think that I got my heart broken today and that doesn't do anything... I push away the small note pad and down the second shot, which doesn't hurt as much as the last. You know what... Fuck this tiny little cup.... I grab the big bottle and chug down a good cup of Vodka, I get chills down my back and set down the bottle.

Then all of a sudden I feel all of my feelings rush back to my head. The memory saying that she didn't love me, the time that she slapped gel across my face, when Jasper beat the fuck out of me. Tears spill down my cheeks and I let out an agitated cry while the alcohol consumed my body. I ball my fists and slammed them against the table, ignoring the pain that went through my hands. "S-Stupid Jasper! Stupid Lapis! Stupid mother that doesn't give two fucks about me!! I nearly killed myself and she didn't give a shit!!! She doesn't even try to help me!! Therapists don't help! They never fucking did!!!" 

I stand up and throw my chair down on the floor, screaming in pain with rage mixed in there. I kick the table, grab the bottle of a vodka and run into the kitchen area. Opening the drawer and grabbing the first knife in my view. "Fuck everyone! Screw you mother! Fuck you so much!!! You're the reason why Mom left!!!" I shove the bottle into my mouth, chugging down the liquid before throwing it off somewhere. Without hesitation I roll up my sleeve and sink the blade into my arm until I feel warm liquid spill.

The cut is deep, and I already know that for a fact. I don't scream, I just bite my lip while the tears continue to leak from my eyes. I removed the knife and see the blood on it but don't cring, my eyes dart away and I sink it into my skin again. "I-I'm worthless!! This is all I'm good for! I'm just a sorry useless depressed idiot that can't be loved!"  I tell myself over and over as I demolished my poor wrists. I don't know when I stopped cutting myself, I dropped the knife and looked around for the bottle of Vodka. 

It was on the floor, some of its contents mixed my dark read blood. I gulp and pick up the bottle, drinking the rest of what was there.  My body shakes and I somehow make my way back to the dinning table, stumbling into my seat. I set down the empty bottle and grab the small note pad, hating how most of my blood stained it. Everything was turning to shit and this wasn't the first time at all, the worst part is this has happened all before. Why does it feel so different and worse than last time ?! I take a shaky breath and start writing something down, not knowing what to do at s time like this. 

The all familiar pain put me in an unfamiliar place... 

Yes ... Yes ! That's it! I just have to release all my fucking pain inside! I looked around the room I'm in, for some reason feeling a lot more claustrophobic. The walls around me feel like they're closing it, my eye sight is darkening. I look away and down at my wrist, noticing the pool of blood surrounding it and it dripped off the table. Keep it together for just a little bit more Peri , just write the next line, write the next fucking line!!!! 

I suck it up and grip the pen in my hand, quickly writing out the next line. 

I could waste my life away in these full white walls and truly go insane...

Then just like that, my head fell downward and hit the table.


	9. Chapter 9

Peridot's P.O.V

If I'm completely honest I didn't expect to wake up at all, there's a reason why I did this to myself. But oh well, I guess god really does have a plan for you... even if I don't believe there is one... ANYWAYS, I wake up to my mother's screaming and panicked words. I was surprised because usually my mother would just scream about how I'm and idiot for doing what I did.

"Peridot! Peridot! Stay awake alright? I'm gonna get you to the doctor.." 

Mother grabs my face and presses a wet wash cloth against my bleeding wrist and arm. I nod slightly and start counting to some random number so I could stay up. She picks me up and I weakly grab the blood stained note pad on the table. I know I'm not going to come home so might as well take some things to entertain myself.

/

I wake up the next morning with am uncomfortable pain in my left arm. I look down and noticed that it's all bandaged up, so much for wanting to see the damage. I sit up a bit in the hospital bed that I've been in way too many times already.  There's some good next to me and I smile happily. 'Mom must've actually did her job and make me feel loved.' I pick up the paper bag and pulled out my favorite burger of all time. 'She actually drove all the way back home to get this for me...'

For some reason I feel like crying, it's been so long since she did anything mother like. I took a deep breath and smile as I begin to eat my burger. It's cold... But I still enjoy the taste of it because it reminds me of home. It reminds me of when both my mothers were still together and not divorced... Tears come to my eyes at just the thought of my other mother, I miss her so much it's not even fucking funny. 

My eyes are puffy and I stop eating the burger to take a deep shaky breath, God everything just turned to shit when she left. "I-I just want my mother back." I say and put the food down, using my free hand to wipe the tears. My sob session was cut short when a nurse came through the door, telling me she was going to take me some where.   
I nod and get up, and grab the I.V that's hooked up to my not destroyed arm. 

/

I wanted to scream , but that was nothing new in my family. I should've known that my mother was acting too nice and loving, it was because she sent me to the fucking therapist. This was so ridiculous, they all say the same thing. Bullshit liars that say "Oh we're here for you" and "Were going to help you." I've been through this too many times, and frankly I'm better off as my own therapist. At least that way I'm not lying to myself like all these other useless people. 

"So Peri." 

"Call me Peridot, only friends and family can call me Peri." 

The Lady seems off guard and she smooths back her long multicolored hair, quite an unusual sight for a therapist. It took her a moment to gather up the courage to talk to me, which I don't know why she was nervous. I'm the corrupt teen here that wants to kill herself because some girl plays with my feelings.

"Okay... Hello Peridot, I'm Bismuth... Call me Bizz I don't mind at all..." She chuckled and brought out a clipboard and paper, smiling widely at me. Your mother and the hospital has assigned me too help you out with somethings, since you know... you obviously have some troubles."

"No shit." I mumble out.

"I'm here to help you... to figure out what's going on."

"I know what's going on , I know what's fucked up with me damn it! I know what I'm doing is horrible! But nothing is working out for me! You say there's other ways to deal with it! Being dosed up on fucking drugs isn't a way of living ! It might work for some people but it doesn't work for me! I know you might think I'm deranged , fucked up, and all that crap ! But I know what's wrong with me! I understand why I hate my life ! I understand and you will never know how I feel!" 

Sudden tears leak down my cheeks and I stand up quickly, kicking the small coffee table that was in the room. "I don't want to talk! And there's no need for me too! J-just... wanna do something for me ? Take all the drama out of my life ! Take the stupid bitch that plays with my feelings! Bring my mother back! Ever since she left I feel like crap! And my Mom doesn't give a fuck! It's just work for her ! It's always been that! That's why mother left!" 

I go straight for the door and open it, slamming it behind me in a fit of rage. I walk down the hallway, ignoring the stares from multiple nurses. When I get back to my hospital bedroom, Jasper and Lapis of there. Fucking Great ... I ignore their stares and lay down , turning away and facing the wall. "Please... just leave right now..." Lapis pits her hand on my shoulder and I don't move. "Please just leave me." I cry even more and grip the sheets underneath my hand. 

/

"Hello, is this Blue Diamond ? Yes uh... your daughter has requested to see you again... she's currently in a horrible mental state... would you mind coming to Beach City Hospital?" 

"... Yes I'll head right over ..."


	10. Chapter 10

Blue Diamond walked into the hospital waiting room area, going to the front desk with a small smile. She held a small folder, filled with all the stuff she would use to see her daughter. "Hello miss, I'm here to see Peridot Diamond... I'm her mother Blue Diamond." She showed her drivers license and pulled out Peridots birth certificate, just giving extra validation. The nurse nodded at the information provided, and told her what room Peridot was staying in. 

/

Peridot's P.O.V

I wake up, and luckily everyone was gone and I could get some peace. The dull ache in my arms has subsided somewhat, yet it still hurts to even look at them. Who do these doctors think they are ? Sending me to a fucking therapist, my mother already knows I don't open up to them. I take a deep breath for a second, not wanting to bring myself to a rage filled mind. Everything just seemed to happen so fast and I can't control it at all. 

"I miss her." 

I don't know why, but that slips from my lips and it seems to linger in the air. Lapis was here for a split second, and now I think she actually cared. That she cared enough to come to the hospital and see how I'm doing. I let out a laugh, that soon turns into silent sobbing as tears stain my face once more. I miss a girl that could care less if I was fine or not, she just came by to see if her fuck buddy was still alive. They say to have hope you know, that maybe everything's gonna get better, that everything will work out in the end. 

I wipe my tears and with the little bit of strength I have, I sit up in my bed. It hurt, just bending my arms shot intense pain all over my body. "F-Fuck." I whisper out and pick up my phone, at least this might distract me a little. There's some notifications, which is actually surprising. Steven was the majority of them, sending me sweet messages and telling me I can get through this. Then... there's a few calls from a caller I haven't seen for a while. 

'Mommy' 

I open my phone as fast as I could, but right when I was about to call her... The door opened, revealing the woman who actually gave birth to me. "M-Mom." For that moment, all of the pain I had; completely vanished from me. I hop out of bed and run to my mom, that actually cared for me growing up. "It's been so long, I missed you so much! Where have you been?" I wrap my wounded arms around her waist and lay my head in her chest. 

"Oh my sweet child." She whispered , and I feel tears leak down my face; I missed her voice so much. "I had to do multiple things for Pink's funeral, and I got caught up in somethings. I'm sorry, once your mother wanted the divorce... There wasn't anyway for me to see you..." My mom held me tighter, while I try to block out the woman who destroyed my parents relationship. 

Pink Dio (y'all know who it is) , I remember all of the fighting because of she and my mother had an affair. I don't blame her leaving Yellow though, even back them she was always caught up in her work. It wasn't a stable household to begin with and that was the reason why I've always been messed up and sad. Although is it bad to be a little happy that my mom's new wife died ? Probably is but I could care less, I know that woman was good to my mom anyways.

"That's okay , at least I get to see you know." I look up at her and smile. "Will you visit me until I get out of the hospital?" Mom smiled at me and she pulled out a folder from her purse. 

"I'm doing more than visiting my Peri-ru." She rubbed my head and I laugh at the nickname she gave me so many years ago. "I'm taking your mother to court, I came to realization that she's had a lot of time to raise you... Its my time to raise you, I should've done this earlier... but your mother hated the idea of Pink being your other parent..." Mom moved away and sat down on the chair next to my bed, she seemed a bit out of breath. 

"Heh sorry, I'm just a bit light headed. The twins had me chasing them around before I came here, you'll honestly love them when you come home." She pulled out her phone and showed me a picture of the twin girls , my half sisters. Their light red hair, that they probably got from their dead parent. They had my mother's blue eyes and tanish skin, I can already see them breaking hearts. I can already see myself getting chased around by them and calling them annoying. 

"Love? Or will I try to kill them ?"

"Probably both." We laugh together and I walk back to my hospital bed, sitting down and smiling. I'm more than excited to go live with my mom, I only had a year or two left before I turned 18 to spend some time with my mom. Before I have to go to college and start a life of my own. She was right anyways, my mother had so much time to raise me; and she spent most of it working. 

"Hey Peri I brought you some lunch-" Mother walks in and I feel so uncomfortable, I could practically already hear the screaming. But surprisingly it her came, instead there was just an awkward silence. We all eyed each other until my Mother looks at me and continues talking. "I talked to the doctor, you can leave the hospital now. Just be careful about how you move your arms... Here, eat some food." She sat the bag down then turned to Blue. "May I speak with you, outside ?" 

/

Third Person P.O.V 

"Why are you here ? Peridot and I have been doing fine with out you for these past 7 years. Frankly I don't see a reason for you to be here." 

Blue nearly laughed at what she said , this woman was more ridiculous than usual. "No reason ? For the past 7 years I had no idea my daughter was in deep depression, because you told me I shouldn't talk to her anymore! I had to find out because a therapist called and told me that she nearly killed herself ! I don't know about you but that doesn't see as fine!" 

"It's nothing new! So what she has a little bit of issues! She'll grow out of it! I've done my job! I go to work and provide for her! Every teenager gets a little bit sad here and then! The only reason why she's so depressed is because you had to go cheat on me and leave!" 

"You and I both know that wasn't the only reason why I left you! I wanted to get in touch with Peridot ! You fucking know it Yellow! I'm a good mother, you're the one who ruined her life! Ruined my life! I cheated on you because you're an abusive piece of shit!"

The anger filling up in yellow and she finally snapped, wrapping her hands around Blue's neck and slamming her against the wall. Squeezing her neck tightly as Blue struggled for air and tried to force her away. "You're not taking here away! You're gonna ruin her!" Blue grunted and lifted her leg, kicking Yellow in the gut; which made her step back. 

Yellow held her stomach with one hand but landed a punch to Blue's face as she moved. Her hand covered her nose that now leaked blood, she slammed the hospital room door open and went to Peridot. "Peridot you're leaving with me, get your bag." She pulled her hand away and wiped it on a near by towel. Peridot wasted no time, grabbing her phone and helping her mother. 

She ignored the intense pain through her arms and called the hospital security, people rushing and taking Yellow away. Peridot gulped and looked to the ground, knowing that this wasn't going to end nicely.


	11. Chapter 11

Peridot's P.O.V

My Mom's house is a long way away from my high school, so getting there was a major problem. The court date was coming up soon, so I didn't see it as such a big problem. Mom called the school, told them the situation and they gave me a week off from school. I had all of my work emailed to me but the only problem was I had to return to school this week, and pick up some stuff from home. 

This morning I had to leave so dang early, you see it's a 4 hour drive back to beach city. My mom is to wrapped up in taking care of the kids so I have to drive myself to school. Which I don't have a problem with at all, Mom fills the gas tank so there's no worries. I think that's what I missed from her being gone for so long, the fact that I don't have to worry. That I can come home and a parent will be there, with a plate of food that was cooked and not bought. I could talk to them about my day because they'll actually listen and maybe give me some advice. 

I smile because that's honestly a dream come true for me, that's all I ever wanting for a long time.. Soon enough I enter beach city and I'm there pretty early because there's absolutely no traffic. I got nothing to do, so I go to the local donut shop; a place that Steven talks way too much about. I'm not much of a sweet loving person, I like the usual eggs, bacon, and some toast. A donut wouldn't hurt though so I get out of my car and enter the small shop. 

"Gaspppppppppp! It's Peri!!!" Steven noticed me from across the shop and comes running, trapping me in a bear hug. "I missed you so much !!! Are you out of the hospital ?! I haven't seen you for like 2 weeks!!! Uh uh! Let me buy you a donut!!" He tugged me to the area that presented all of the donuts, my stomach does a flip just staring at the disgusting sweet treats. 

"Um I just realized how much I really don't like sweets for breakfast." 

"Oh!! That's fine Peri! They sell breakfast sandwiches here, I'll get you one! Just sit down where my backpack is! I got this !" He smiled and I shrug, walking to where his bag was. Steven was probably the few people that I actually enjoy .seeing again, his other friends are alright too. My stomach turns when I think of Jasper and Lapis, how I have to face them for the first time in two weeks.

My worries about the meet up fly away though, since Steven comes to me with an orange juice and sandwich. This kid was too sweet, he almost makes me want to come back home. "Thanks Steven." I take a bite of it and it doesn't taste half bad. 

/

I'm anxious once I walk into school, I honestly don't want to go to p.e and face Lapis and Jasper. I didn't really have to participate in any of the sports there, because my stitches haven't closed up. But Mrs.Fires told me just to dress out, do the basic stretches, and walk around the gym or track. 

I walk to the locker room entrance and take a deep breath before entering it. Hopefully Jasper and Lapis decided to cut class, that way I could have a stress free day. One could only hope though. People looked at me, acting like they saw a ghost or something. It wasn't honestly quite hilarious, I guess people do notice when I'm gone.

I wave to a few people as I get to my locker and take out the clothes that been there for weeks. They don't smell bad, since I didn't do much exercise to begin with. For a moment I feel selfconsious, not wanting to show off my still bandaged arms. I take a gulp though and removed my shirt, just looking straight forward.

I grab my hoodie because I don't want people to stare. Be labeled as the girl who only cuts herself for the attention, which really isn't the purposse. I just had some problems and other students are bound to make a big deal about it. 

The bell rings , signaling the start of my class. I'm hoping no body I know is here, unless it's Garnet; she's pretty calm and understanding. I walk into the gym and take a seat far at the top. Making sure I put a lot of distance between me and the rest. 

Class starts off slow, everyone during their excersizes while I just sit and watch. Not able to really do anything, I feel even more useless than usual. I was more than glad that Lapis and Jasper weren't here. It saved me from trying to having to talk to them and answer questions. 

I just sat there for the period before getting up and returning to the locker room. All the other girls were busy cleaning up, so I was the first one into the locker room. Which I regretted big time, right when I walked in. I was greeted with Jasper and Lapis leaning against some lockers. 

I keep my head down and head to my locker, maybe I can just ignore them. Maybe they don't even recognize me and I can get out of here with out being noticed. But nope, I was completely wrong. I opened up my locker and felt arms bring wrapped around my neck. Slender arms that were most likely Lapis's, the shadow that covered me was most likely Jasper. 

"Nice to see you back, we picked up a couple of things from your house... We thought you were still in the hospital so we were gonna drop it off there... We didn't know you were out, but it's great to see you moving around again." 

Jasper sits down and smiled at me, giving me a pat on the back. "You don't got to do this to yourself either... Like I said Peri, I'll beat up who ever the fuck is doing this to you." 

Tears slip from my eyes and I hold in a cry, because this makes everything horrible. I can't tell Jasper that her girlfriend is literally the reason why I wanna die. She'd probably beat my ass just for talking shit about her. Regardless of how I feel I just nodded, promising that I'll tell her something. 

"Alright good, I gotta head to class... See you two later." She stood up and pressed a quick kiss to Lapis's lips. It makes my heart ache, Jasper's been acting so lovey dovey lately. What's Lapis's reason for keeping me around now? Jasper left and now it was just me and Lapis in here. 

"Why didn't you tell me you got out? I would've come picked you up..." Lapis mumbled into my ear before pressing a kiss to it. It made me sick to my stomach, how can she just turn so lovey dovey ? She put me in the hospital... I love her and she doesn't even care in the slightest. I shrug off her question and change into my regular clothes. 

"Peridot I'm speaking to you, why won't you answer? I was worried!" 

"You?... YOU were worried? YOU are the reason why I wanted to fucking kill myself!" I stand up and nudge her away from me, locking up my things quickly. I don't care what she had to say, she had no right to come to me and say she's worried. 

"Don't try to pin everything on me Peridot! You knew I was in a relationship with Jasper! You just can't say 'I love you' to someone who you're not with! What the fuck did you expect me to say!" 

"How can you tell me that I can't say 'I love you' ?!? You're the one cheating on Jasper! You don't need to! In fact you don't have to at all, because if you need someone to be your little toy... I'm not the fucking one damn it. You can be someone else's side whore,  see how you like it." 

I pick up my bag and was about to leave, but Lapis stopped me. She grabbed my head and forcefully brought me into a kiss. I hated that I loved the sensation against my lips. But I wasn't gonna let myself get back into this. I pulled my mouth away and punched Lapis, surprised by the amount of force I put into it. 

Lapis was holding her eye, a single tear slipping down her cheek. I gulp and left as soon as possible, not wanting anything to do with Lapis. I still don't know why she felt the need to have me around. She literally had a girlfriend that's always there for her now.


	12. Chapter 12

Peridot's P.O.V 

I expected to get a beat down sometime later that day. It never came though, but that just put me on edge. Looking over my shoulder every few seconds to see if Jasper was coming. It felt fucking horrible, I already had anxiety, this was just making it worse. The day goes by though, and my face doesn't look like a bloody slab of meat. 

When I got to my car though, I saw Lapis leaning against the passenger door to my car. Her eye had a dark bruise around it and I feel bad. I didn't mean to hit her that HARD , I didn't even think I did. Our eyes connected but I just look down and unlock my car. Getting in the driver's seat, Lapis then sat in the passenger seat. I was gonna tell her to get out but she said something before I could. 

"I didn't tell Jasper that you punched me so there's no reason to be scared." She huffed and closed her eyes, laying her head against the seat. " If anything I honestly deserved that..." Lapis rolled down the window and lit a cigarette, taking a drag from it. Blowing out the smoke slowly. "I just wanna talk with you... About some personal things and hopefully you'll understand." 

I don't know what was with me, but I agreed to letting her talk. I pull out of the school parking lot and we take a drive. Stopping by a few stores because Lapis asked me too, I just couldn't tell her no. We made it to a secluded part of the beach and just sit on the sand. Using our jackets as a replacement for blankets. 

"So..." Lapis took a deep breath and opened the beer she bought. "I've been with Jasper since my freshman year Peridot. Three years... I can't leave her for obvious reasons." She took a drink and sighed. 

I rolled my eyes. "People break up all the time, I don't see a problem with breaking it off with Jasper. But I also don't see a problem with staying with her now. Since she is being more loving and everything-"

"Peridot just shut up for a moment damn it." Lapis groaned and rubbed her head. "I can't leave her at all! I'm only with her for what she's done for me!" She gripped the beer can, making it dent. "There's no real love at all! I'm just repaying her..." 

I wanted to speak but I was honestly so confused, there was no love with Jasper, but there was no love when she did stuff with me??? The fuck is wrong with her?!? Jesus Christ I don't understand!!!!!

"Peridot in the summer after 8th grade I was raped by one of Jasper's cousins... I got pregnant and everything, my parents were gonna go to the police. But Jasper's family basically paid my parents off. They signed a confidential contract and sent me off to beach city... Where I'm forced to live with Jasper just so they know I'm not gonna rat anyone out... Can YOU really judge me on not loving someone?!?" 

Tears streamed down her cheeks and she threw the beer. I didn't know what to do at all, I felt like I put more stress on her. I wanted to hold her , tell her that everythings alright. It isn't though, she has to live her life basically as a prisoner. Even if she isn't treated badly, she doesn't want to be with Jasper. 

"You know it was hard at first, I used to cry and try to kill myself. I stopped because they forced me to be healthy to have the baby. I had the child, it was a baby girl... It was gone a day after I had her, somewhere with Jasper's other family members. You have no idea how it feels to carry something inside you for 9 months just to have it took away! She was my will to live damn it! I was gonna raise her and give her so much love!" 

She stood up from her seat and screamed out, her hands in fists. The salty breeze from the ocean stinging her tear stained cheeks. Lapis sniffled and ran towards the ocean, screaming all the way there. I followed her as fast I could, tripping over multiple amounts of sand. I watched Lapis disappear into the water, shoving her head under water. 

I begin to panic when I couldn't locate her in the water. "LAPIS!" I took take a deep breath and enter the water. Despite the intense pain in my open cuts, the salt water surely gonna leave an infection. I reach around the water, panicking when I couldn't find her. 

"Lapis come on! You can do this!" A wave smashed into me head on, knocking me under the water. Everything was pitch black, thanks to the dirty sea water. I try to swim back to the surface but the waved kept pressing me down. I accidentally inhale a mouthful of water and start to panic even more.

While I throw my limbs in every which way, I felt my arm hit against something. On instinct I wrap my arms around it and began to kick up with all my strength. I break the surface and look down in my arms, almost crying because I managed to get Lapis. I swim the rest of the way and let out a happy cry when we hit the sand. 

I looked down at Lapis and she opens her eyes slowly, I never felt so much weight lifted off my shoulders. I smile and press my forehead against her's, just basking in the moment. "I'm gonna help you Lapis, you're gonna fight your way through this shit. You're gonna see your daughter again... I promise you this... Even if I can't have you love I'll help you." 

She looked up at me and gave a slight nod before closing her eyes. I pick her up the best I could and carried her to my car. Where we just laid for the rest of the day.


	13. Chapter 13

Peridot P.O.V

I don't feel like taking Lapis back to Jasper, so instead I drove her home with me. Mom will probably understand, she's not one to get really stressed about things. Lapis slept through the whole drive, her cheeks stained with tears. I feel bad for what she's been through, but she's still the reason for my own problems. I couldn't help but not care about myself for a moment. 

I always tell myself that there's someone out there that has it worse. Which is true, I can understand why Lapis can't trust or love me. My heart aches just thinking about it, I hate it so much. I take a deep breath and continue driving straight, not wanting to dwell on it. I should be used to this already but I just can't get over it. 

An hour or two goes by and I'm almost home, seeing the welcome sign of Empire City. I smile a bit and continue driving, glancing at the sleeping Lapis. For some reason it seems this is the first time she actually got some sleep.  The dark circles under Lapis's eyes became lighter and I feel happy.

"I'll help you, I promise so much." I whisper to myself , pulling into my drive way. 

\  
♡  
/

Mother didn't mind one bit and didn't question anything. Probably because she was occupied with the twins, but I was glad. Lapis was really awkward either way, waving to my mother and shying away. I found it cute but didn't mention anything to her. We both go to my room and there's a heavy silence. 

I clear my throat before speaking. "I'm uh... gonna go take a shower... I'll get you some clothes right now though." I dig through my stuff, finding some things that might fit Lapis. I lay them next to Lapis and leave to the bathroom, that was connected to my room.  

I shut the door and strip the now damp clothes from my body. The ocean is nice but god I hate the sand so much. It gets everywhere and irritates my skin so damn much. As soon as the water was hot, I hopped in and let it soak my hair. It felt good and almost felt like all of my troubles were washed away. 

Not really though and as soon as that hit me, my depression came right back. I sigh and reach for the shampoo, right when my bathroom door opened. I didn't think much of it, Lapis probably needed to use the toilet. I shrug it off and begin to wash my hair. 

I was minding my own business when arms encircled my waist and I felt Lapis's breasts against my back. I flinched at first but somewhat tried to relax myself. It shouldn't be a big deal, I've seen and done things with Lapis already. 

"Thank you Peri, I appreciate all of this." 

"Y-you're welcome." I manage to get out with turning into my usual stuttering mess. Okay it was still a big deal, I wasn't used to someone actually wanting to have sex with me. I'm a nerd it's not like you'd expect me to get much action. 

As Lapis's mouth attacked my neck, leaving hickies and bite marks. There was a voice in back of my head. A voice that kept telling me to stop this now before I got to deep. I took a moment to take those words into consideration, but I didn't care. I was already to deep to stop myself from doing anything anymore. So I just let it happened and that night, Lapis and I made love. 

\  
♡  
/

I expected everything to be awkward the next day, but it wasn't. If anything it made everything much better. Lapis smiled a lot more and even helped cooked breakfast this morning. I was the one who decided to take a break and not go to school. We both needed it and I didn't want Lapis no where near Jasper. 

"So where do you think they took your baby? It can't be far away right?" I ask while we cuddle on the couch, watching tv. She looks up at me and quickly nods her head. 

"She's in Empire City, here this is how I know. " She picked up my phone and started typing away, then pulled up a Facebook page. "This is Jasper's cousin, they call them Skinny... She's the one who um... you know." Lapis took a deep breath. "Anyways, I logged into Jasper's Facebook account and did some snooping. My baby is there with them, I know the address and everything..." 

I saw determination in her eyes and hope. I finally felt like I was doing something right for once. "Alright, we know the destination of your child... We just have to work on getting a court hearing... Do you have a copy of the confidentiality contract you signed? We could use that against them in court...But that means you'll have to come through and tell them your story." 

That's when I saw the fear in her eyes, Lapis was strong but somethings just tear you down. I leaned forward and kissed her forehead, giving a sweet smile to her. "We got this, I'll help you every step of the way. You're not alone." She gave me the sweetest smile in return then kissed me. Is this what love and happiness feels like? 

\  
♡  
/

Lapis and I went to the police, I couldn't go in with her for some parts, but I stood right outside. Showing my love and support to Lapis as she went through this. She came out with tears dripping down her face, it hurt bad just watching it. "Its okay... we did it. " 

Lapis lunges for me, wrapping her arms around me in a tight hug. I hug her back just as tightly, stroking her out grown fading blue hair. I think I'll buy her some new hair dye, it'll make her happy. She pulled away and smiled at me. 

"They started an investigation, hopefully we can get her back..." 

Then three days later, we got a phone call and a date to the first court hearing.


	14. Chapter 14

**Peridot's P.O.V**

I wanted to go with Lapis to the court hearing, I really did. But her court date was on the date for mine against my other mother. She was devasted when I told her I couldn't go. I could see the fear growing in Lapis's eyes. It didn't matter if she wasn't going to her hurt anymore, she was going to stare at the person who hurt her once more. I felt like crap, letting her go through it alone.

My mind was occupied with only Lapis. She was all I could think about as I sat in this court room. Being determined my faith for the last year of my child life on which parent I will go to. I gulp and shake my head, trying to focus. They presented the case, pulled up photos of my attempted suicide attempts and it made me emberassed. Knowing that I was now viewed as some depressed case.

It was the worse 5 hours of my life, sitting in a uncomfortable chair as my parents went back and forth with their lawyers. I don't understand why Mother wanted me so much. She was never around and always working. If anything giving me to mom would make everything better.

Luckily when it all came down to it, they settled on shared custody. Where I spent majority of the time with Blue but a week out of every month with Yellow. I didn't complain, I nodded my head and left the room. Waving goodbye to my mother and staying close to mom.

I pull out my phone and quickly check the messages, seeing at least three from Lapis. My heart is racing and I was afraid of what it was. But soon I felt myself calm down when I read through all of them and saw the picture she sent 

_**Lapis: Trial was settled rather** _ _**quickly** _ _**, my abuser was found guilty and** _ _**I** _ _**gained full custody of Malachite. :)** _

_**Lapis: Actually on my** _ _**way** _ _**to** _ _**get her, it's been so long.** _

_**-Picture-** _

I smiled at the picture of Malachite, such a beautiful baby she was. Lapis was finally back with the only thing that gave her purpose to live. A part of me was a bit sad that I couldn't make her as happy, but I realized that I'm being selfish and stupid. So I send a quick message back to her.

_**Peri:** _ _**I'm** _ _**so glad you got justice, you deserve it after so** _ _**long** _ _**. Malacite is as beautiful as her mama ♡ :)** _

I looked up at my mom and she gave me a smile in return, knowing the good news already from Lapis's side.

"I know, I read over your shoulder." She giggled and pressed a kiss to my forehead. "She's allowed to stay with us until everything gets stable for her and the baby. I just want you two to be happy and comfortable."

What my mom said almost sounded like  Lapid and I were in a relationship. Which wasn't true at all, Lapis and I were just very awkward friends that kiss, sometimes have sex and maybe get really lovable. Although I could see how mom would mistake those actions. I just  nodded to her and looked back at my phone.

**_Lapis:_ ** **_You're_ ** **_being a_ ** **_big_ ** **_nerd geez ♡. Anyways I'll take a taxi home to you,_ ** **_just_ ** **_spending some_ ** **_time_ ** **_with Malachite at the beach. See you later._ **

I type my response real quick and waved goodbye to my mom. "Imma go do a bit shopping, see you at home okay?" She nodded her head and walked to her car as I walked to mine.

/

Okay now I know Malachite isn't my child and I can't replace her other parent. But I bought her some things to get settled in with us. She looked like she was around 3 so I bought some clothes for her. Also got her a special blanket and some other things.  I just want her to feel welcomed, she's gonna be with us for a while. 

When I got home, Lapis was already home and helping with dinner. The smile on her face made my heart jump a bit.  It being so happy that she was clearly in a better mental state.  Without making any noise, I sneaked passed her and into my room.  Noticing a small mattress on the floor with a baby sleeping. I set the stuff down and slowly get out, not wanting to wake up baby Malachite.

"What ya guys cooking in here?" I say, startling both my mom and Lapis. A chuckled escaped my mouth as I sat down at the kitchen table.

"Just some chicken and rice, simple stuff tonight. Decided to help against because we have one more person to feed."

Lapis took the chicken and slid it into the oven before sitting down next to me. Pressing a kiss to my cheek and wrapping her arms around me. I blushed slightly but relaxed, enjoying the treatment. "Oh yeah, I saw little Malachite sleeping in my room. Didn't know we had any baby mattresses."

"Your mom told me it was an extra one they had in storage, so we cleaned it off and now Mal gets to use it."

"That's great." I chuckled and kissed Lapis's cheek. "Come with me to my room for a moment, I got something I wanna show you."

/

When I took out the stuff from their bag's, Lapis was smiling so much. Even on the verge of tears as she was so grateful.

"You honestly didn't have to do this for me, your mom gave me a bunch of old baby clothes. Mal would've been fine, but thank you so much, I really appreciate it."

"It's honestly not a big problem, it's a homecoming gift let's call it. I'm just finally happy that she's home and safe with us."

I smile and Lapis smiled along too, her eyes no longer filled with sadness or fear. She was finally at bay and that was all that mattered right now.

"Yeah, she's finally home... with **us**."

"Yep... **us** ."


	15. Chapter 15

**Peridot's P.O.V**

I switched off to online schooling a few days ago, it would make everything easier since because of the custody agreement. This way I wouldn't miss a week of school for the last few months. I'd just be able to do school on my laptop and do whatever I want after.

I close my laptop, finished with the lessons that were sent to me today. A bit boring but I didn't really care, at least I didn't have to go back to Beach City for school. Lapis was on my bed, reading and doing school work too. For her it was a bit different, she just decided to go on independent study and come back for finals.

"You said Malachite had a bit of a fever yesterday? Do you need me to pick up some baby medicine?" I ask while walking to my bed, sitting by the baby that was napping on it.

"No no she's fine, your mom made some drink for her and she was fine after. She's just catching up on some rest right now." Lapis rubbed Mal's head before returning to her work. "Already done with the lessons?"

"Yep, they're really not that complicated. Just simple things you have to do."

I lay down next to Mal, smiling up at Lapis as she worked. Such a beautiful girl when she's not stressed and happy. Well, she was even beautiful while stressed but I'm glad she's better. I close my eyes and wrap a small arm around Malachite, a habit I picked up from the week or two she's been here. I didn't know much about parenthood until mom did a quick crash course about it. So I know how to somewhat be a parent. 

"Peri if you keep holding her while she sleeps she's gonna expect that later on."

I smile and hold Mal closer, giving her head a kiss. "I don't see a problem with that, just means I gotta give her attention."

"And what if I want attention huh?"

"I have two arms Lapis it won't be that difficult."

I hear her giggle and I couldn't help but smile even more. Everything was perfect right now and I didn't want it to stop. Nothing could mess this up, nothing at all because everything was at bay. No more depression, no more self harm, it was like a happy fairy tale ending.

And it almost felt like Lapis and I... were in a relationship? I haven't asked her much about it because ... I really don't want to mess up what we have right now... We're fine, going on dates, sleeping together, raising a baby too. Maybe we are together and it's just something that goes unsaid between us. Yeah... That sounds like it's probably true. I know Lapis isn't a big fan of talking about feelings so I'll just leave it alone.

"Mom is taking the twins out to that Pizza place downtown, she asked if you wanted to let her take Malachite. Since you've been busy with both her and school work she wanted to give you a break."

There was silence for a moment but Lapis replied. "Sure, I just want to make sure your Mom keeps strict supervision on her. If she can do that then I have no problem with allowing Mal to go."

"Alright, I'll get her ready to go then." I pull myself out of bed and slowly wake up the sleeping child. Feeling a bit bad when Mal let out a soft cry. She was probably going to be fussy for a bit but I'm sure she's fine.

"I know I know I'm sorry for waking you." I carry her off the bed and pick out a cute outfit she could wear. Dressing her then kissing her small little forehead.  "You're gonna go out with... erm... Lapis, what do you refer to my mom as?"

"She calls her Nana or Grandma, I think your mother told her to. "

Okay that's a bit embarrassing , geez my own mom might scare Lapis away. "Hah sorry about that, I'll have a talk with her later."

"No it's fine, I don't really mind it."

I smiled like a dork when she said those words. It was like Lapis was accepting the fact that she was now part of my life. It gave me hope that she really loved me and wanted to stay forever.

"Alright then..." I turn my attention to Malachite and kissed her head. "You're gonna go with Nana and eat some pizza, sound good?"

Mal gave me a tired nod in return and it was the cutest thing ever. I hug her tightly and pick her up. "I'm gonna take her to my mom, I'll see you when I come back. Do you wan't my mom to being us some food back?"

Lapis looked up from her work and nodded. "Yeah, just plain pepperoni will do." She set down her book and got up, going to me and Mal. "Be good for Nana okay ? I don't want you causing trouble for her. She's fragile."

I laughed at this and Lapis smiled, kissing Mal's nose then pressing one to my lips. I blushed a bit but kissed her back before leaving the room. Bringing Malachite to mom so she could get ready to leave. "Okay mom, Lapis is allowing her to go but you need to keep a sharp eye on here. Words straight from the mother herself. Oh and one pepperoni pizza"

Mom laughed but nodded, picking up Mal and letting the baby lay on her chest. "Not a problem, she's in good hands. I'll make sure nothing happens to her at all."

/

It felt a little weird without Malachite with us, since we were always so wrapped up in taking care of her. We actually had time to ourselves and it honestly was a bit boring.

I guess I'm just getting too used to having a child around.  Lapis and I shared a smile. Having **Our** child around. 


	16. Chapter 16

**Peridot's P.O.V**

I was finally going over to my Mother's for the first time in a while. I feel a little on edge like something horrible is going to happen. None the less, I keep my attention on the road. If something horrible was going to happen, I'd rather it not be a car accident.

As I drive, I glance at the picture of Malachite and Lapis on my dashboard. Sitting there snug so it wouldn't fall out. I don't know what to call us, or what to call Malachite. The baby had been attached to me a lot, almost to the point where Lapis would get jealous. I laugh at those memories, remembering the pout on Lapis's face.

"I guess this is what being... a parent feels like ?" It feels weird to say but I really enjoy the sound of it. But I'm not gonna erase the fact that Malachite has another actual parent. I can't fully replace them, although, I'll set a right path for baby Mal. I won't let her get like Jasper or me, she'll be raised correctly.

I reached over and turned on the radio, relaxing as the words played through my car.

_I usually have an answer to the question._

_But this time I'm gon' be quiet._

_Ain't nothing like the feeling of uncertainty, the eeriness of silence._

_This time, it was so unexpected._

It wasn't the usual music I listen to, but why not switch it up a bit? It's quite calming too, despite it being rap. I smile and watch the road, letting myself think about nothing horrible.

/  
/  
/

I get to my mother around 6 o'clock, the drive took longer than I expected. It was whatever though, I wasn't in a rush to get back there anyway. I park my car and walk to the front door, getting ready to knock. But I was consumed into a very tight hug, it actually knocked the right out of me. 

"Peri! You're back! It's been so long! I haven't seen you or Lapis around!! Please tell me you're staying!"

I turned my head and looked downward, noticing Steven, who seemed to have quite a worries face. _Dang, Steven barely knows me still... Yet he cares so much..._ I pat his head and pull away from his hold. I chuckle slightly and shook my head _._

"I'm back, just for a little while though. I live mostly with my other Mom now, I'll only be coming here 1 week out of the month. Lapis is fine too, we were just going through a bunch of things lately." 

He seemed to take a breath of relief when I told him Lapis was okay. I never really knew how close the two were, but apparently, they were. I smile for a moment before going to my car really quick, pulling the picture from my dashboard. 

"I don't know if you knew before, but Lapis had a baby and she got her back, isn't the little one cute?" I hand over the picture to him and his eyes widen, _Guess he didn't know._

"Woah! She never told me! Awwwww her baby is so cute! Will she come back soon too?" 

I shook my head and feel a bit bad when Steven's bright face went blue. I sigh and sit on the steps leading to my mother's house. "No, she probably won't be visiting anytime soon. I could give you her new phone number though. You have to promise me one thing, don't tell anything to Jasper. We're not... trying to be involved with her anymore. "

"Of course! I won't tell anyone!" 

I nod and pull up Lapis's contact, showing it to Steven and he quickly put it in his own phone. After making sure he was done, I put my phone away and patted Steven's head. _Nice boy, I'll miss him when I leave Beach City for good._

"I'm gonna go in my house now, gotta see my mother. I'll be here the whole week though, so don't worry, you'll be able to stop by and bug me anytime. " I waved goodbye to him and returned to the front door, knocking and waiting for an answer. It came rather quickly and I was a bit overwhelmed when finally seeing my mother.

"Peridot, you're looking well..." Yellow took a drink from her cup, the liquid is clear. I didn't know if it was water or some type of alcohol.  It put me on edge and I haven't felt this worried about something in a while. 

"Thanks, you're looking the same as last time." I chuckle and grip the sleeve of my jacket. "I'm gonna head up to my room and take a nap, it was a tiring drive." I try to leave but my mother stood up and blocked my way. Staring down at me like I was some small child who had done something wrong. I gulp and watch as Yellow raised her hand and slapped me across the face. I groaned but didn't let any other noises slip out, not trying to let her get the upper hand.

"You made me look like a horrible parent in that court! If I didn't care then I would've left your ass on the floor to die." The anger in her voice makes me shake slightly, I cant take much longer of this. "Look me in the eyes and feel the embarrassment I felt!" A loud shriek left me when Yellow grabbed my neck and forced me to look upward. I couldn't let her do this to me, I just can't! I raise my hands and punched the side of her head. It wasn't a hard punch or anything but she did let go of me.

I fall to the ground and quickly got myself to stand up, backing away from my mother. She rubs the side of her head then glares at me. Hitting her was a bad idea, I knew it was, why did I do it then? I'm not fucking sure myself. I gulp and raise my arms to cover my face, trying to protect myself from the incoming hit that would come soon. It didn't though and I thought that maybe she was going to back.  Which was an unrealistic assumption, right when I lowered my arms, Yellow grabbed her cup and threw it at my face. Drenching me in that unknown liquid that can now be identified as Vodka. Then punching me straight on my nose, so hard that I think I heard a crack.

I stumble backward and fall on my ass, cringing as I felt the warm liquid from my noise leak out. It dripped down my lips and chin, making a small puddle on the hardwood floor. There was no doubt that my nose was broken, it already throbbed as I sat there in front of my mother. 

"Think you're strong? Gonna try and hit ME back?"She laughed and I looked at the floor, watching my puddle of blood get bigger. "Your pathetic mom might've won custody of you but I took care of you your whole life! I fed you and put clothes on your back!" Yellow walked away from me and went into the kitchen, pouring herself a glass of win this time. She downed it quickly and turned her attention back to me. "You're gonna keep your mouth shut, if I hear about you telling your mother about this, I'll hurt you more... Now get out of my sight." 

I quickly get off the floor and run upstairs, going straight to my room and locking the door. I wanted to scream and break whatever was in my sight. I held off from it though, I knew that would only lead to a breakdown. Instead, I try to collect myself and clean the blood from myself. I take off my shirt and used it to soak up all my blood, I had a slight headache, most likely from the intense punch I just took.

"God I hate my fucking life." 

I walk to my desk and noticed a small notebook, the notebook that contained the song I was trying to right. I laugh to myself and pick it up, taking to sides into my hands and tearing it apart. 

"That was total crap." I laugh to myself and shook my head. This room felt like a jail cell, it always had, and now I feel like the inmates when they get brutally beaten by guards. I sigh and slight wince, due to the fact that my nose was broken. "Stupid bitch." I reached into my pocket to search around for my phone. But instead of taking it out, I pulled the small picture of Lapis and Mal out. It instantly warmed my heart and I knew that I just had to suck it up and keep on going. 


	17. Chapter 17

**Warning: Graphic Violence, do not do any of the actions that were written here.**

**Peridot's P.O.V**

I stare into the mirror, my nose noticeably swollen and crooked. I gonna make up some story in my head to tell my mom. Better than causing more trouble in court, I'm 17, only a little longer to go and I can fucking leave for good. I touch my nose and try to put it in place, which was a bad fucking idea.

"FUCK!" I scream as more blood leaked out and I slammed my hands against the desk. "Fuck fuck fuck!" It hurt so fucking bad, but I know it would benefit me. I can't really go to the doctors, they might question who did this. Also, I probably won't be able to get past Yellow without an ass beating.

The internet said that a broken nose could be fixed by the Doctor repositioning the brokenbones into place, then putting a cast around it to keep it together. So well, I thought it seemed pretty easy to do and well... I am pretty smart... or so I thought. Either way, I sucked it up and positioned the bones one last time.

Then screamed.

"AHHHH FUCKING HELL!!"

* * *

It's been two days since the incident and I gotta say, everything has been quiet. I haven't been bugged at all from my Mother, and I was somewhat worried. I wasn't worried for my mother, but for myself. Like, what if I decide to go down there and she nearly kills me. I'm not in the mood for more bruises or broken bones.

Speaking about broken things, my nose is still fucked. But at least it's somewhat healing since I made a cast for it. It hurt like a bitch but hey, maybe my nose won't be completely messed up.

I sigh and rub my stomach, I haven't eaten since I got here. I've just been drinking the water in my hydroflask, that's running low though. My stomach has been aching for hours too, so I'm really tempted to go downstairs and eat. So tempted that I actually got up and left my room.

I head downstairs and noticed that there's no one around, thank God. I take a deep breath and rummage through the fridge, pulling out some random leftovers. I take a seat on the counter and eat them, not a bad taste but it ain't good either. It pleases my aching stomach though and that's all that matters.

I look around while I munch on these leftovers. Noticing that there's a stain from my blood still. Guess she didn't clean it up, the drunk probably stepped over it and went along with her day. I roll my eyes and toss what's left of my food into the sink. I wonder where Yellow is anyways, did her drunk ass actually go to work?

_God,_ _I_ _wish I could just beat the ever loving fuck out of her._ I stare down at my feet, thinking about the multiple ways I could fuck up. I really can't though, I'm too fucking small to do anything. I'll get my ass kicked by everyone if they wanted to. I'm just complete garbage.

_Man,_ _I_ _haven't felt like this since the last_ _time_ _I_ _tried_ _to_ _kill_ _myself_ _... Why is it that Yellow always makes me feel like this._ That's when it hit me, everything that has happened has been because of HER.  If she was around more then maybe none of this crap would have happened. I just wanna scream and slam my head against the floor. But... I don't, instead, I grab the plates in the sink and throw them. Smirking a bit as I see the shards of glass going everywhere.

"Fuck you Yellow."

I stand up and proceed to throw the plates, smashing them one after another. I didn't care anymore, let her beat the crap out of me. She could do whatever the fuck she wanted. I grab the bottle of wine she left out and chugged it. Feeling my anger seep out even more as alcohol entered my system.

"FUCK EVERYTHING IN THIS DAMN HOUSE!" I break the bottle on her kitchen counter and threw whatever remained in my hand. "You ain't fucking shit." I destroy everything in sight, I keep doing it until I'm satisfied. Fuck being sad over getting hit from Yellow, I have to let her know that she's nothing.

I took what alcohol was left from the fridge and sat in the middle of my mess. Sipping the deathly drink as I stare at the door, just waiting for my mother to come back. Her abuse is going to stop for good. During this time, my mind stayed away from Lapis and Mal. Which was strange, since I was always thinking about those two. I guess my anger just blocked out the love of my life and my child.

I took a gulp from my bottle and smirked when the front door finally opened. The look on her face was perfect, I wish I took a photo of it. I stand up from my spot and stare at her. I didn't even give her time to think, I just ran forward and smashed the bottle against Yellow's head. That's where it went all downhill.

I grab her hair and threw my mother on the ground. _This feels so damn good to finally do!_ I sit on her chest and start punching over and over. Watching as her nose became like mine. Bloody and swollen, I then took the extra mile and beat her face until it was a bloody mess. You could barely make out her features, everything was covered in that crimson color.

"I hope you know you're the fucking reason that I'm like this! You were never there for us! You couldn't even keep mom around!! That's why she left your fucking abusive and neglecting ass! Ugh! This one is for my mom!" I pull my foot back and kick her in the ribs. Hoping that one of her ribs broke, she deserved it.

I step back and admire my work, it felt like some weight was lifted off my shoulders for once. Yellow laid there quiet, she wasn't dead, I could hear her breathing still. But god, I wish she wasn't.

"P-Peridot ?"

I turn my head and see Steven, quivering in his place outside of the open door. A wet stain on his pants while he shook and tears leaked down his face. I try to reach for him but he seemed to cry even more at the sight if my bloodied hands. _Fuck I have to leave_ _right_ _now._ I step over my mother and run upstairs, packing everything as fast as I could. But I couldn't do it fast enough. I could see and hear the sirens outside, I was completely fucked.

I pull out my phone and quickly dial Lapis's number as I lock my room door.

"Hello?"

"Lapis! Listen, I love you and Mal so much okay? Tell her that I love her and that I'm gonna miss her."

"Wha- Peridot what the hell is going on?"

"I... I just did something okay? Tell my mom that I love her too and that none of this is her fault."

"But you still haven't told me-"

"Just know that I fucking love you, so damn much, and I'm sorry we had to go through such fucked up shit."

I ended the call and waited.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I'm gonna try and update this more frequently so I could finally end it. I have many books that are unfinished but this one is a really old one that I wrote back in 2016, so i wanna wrap it up soon. Thank you guys for loving this book, chapter 18 is being written as I post this. How many more chapters do we have left ? I'm not really sure, but I'll say around 4 or 5. I love you all! I really enjoy all your love and support.


	18. Chapter 18

**Peridot's P.O.V**

A cell. Never in my life did I think that I'd be in one of these. I stare out the tiny box on my door. Watching police officers walks past it. It's lonely here, more than it would be since I don't share a cell. Probably because of my medical history and the crime I committed. I'm not a bad person but they're treating me like I'm one.

"Diamond, it's lunchtime. Come on let's go."

My door opens and I see the officer waiting there with handcuffs. I nod to him and walk over, letting him cuff me. Another feeling a hated, the cold metal digging into my wrists. I hated it so much that I just wanted to cry it out. I hated how I was also referred to by my last name. I was always told from a young age that having the Diamond last name was an honor. Now I only see it as a burden, something that I won't be able to get rid of.

They undo my handcuffs and shove me into the cafeteria area, everyone looked at me and I didn't know why. I gulp and go to the line where everyone else seems to go, waiting for my turn until I got my tray. The food looked beyond terrible but I just take the tray and go sit down by myself. I probably look like some easy target, so in my head, I prepared myself for any incoming beatdowns.

At least this was only juvenile hall and not an actual prison or anything, but that might be where I will be going. I haven't talked to a lawyer and haven't heard from my mom. I hope she's alright and not worrying up a storm. I sigh and take a mouth full of the disgusting food, so bland, completely flavorless. It nearly brought me to tears, I didn't want to be here anymore.

"Why is your nose fucked?"

I look up from my food and make eye contact with a girl that had fading blue hair, a teardrop tattooed in blue by her eye. Okay, I'm not the smartest person about the streets and stuff like that but I know for sure that this person has been in serious trouble. I gulp slightly and try to relax so I don't come off as a total wimp.

"My mother broke it and I had to improvise on how to fix it,"I say a bit monotone, showing no feeling at all in my voice. Maybe if I seem like a quiet school shooter type person, this girl will leave me alone.

"Yeah? Damn, that's a shame, if my mother tried something like that then I'd hit her back."

She took a seat across from me and gave me a smile. It wasn't inviting or anything, more like she was smug about something. I try to not let her presence bug me and continue to eat my food. Forcing myself to keep everything down with each bite.

"What you in for anyway? You look like you would be studying in a library and preparing for your SAT's."

I laugh at what she says and shake my head. "That's how I usually am... If I'm being honest with you, I just got a little ahead of myself this time. I got drunk, destroyed my mother's house and beat her up until she was unrecognizable. "I kept the same tone and finished my crappy food.

There seemed to be a thrill in her eyes as I mentioned what I did. It certainly rubbed me the wrong way, but I continued to answer any questions she had.

"I'm Aquamarine, I dropped my last name a while ago so don't ask." She continued on. "Call me Aqua though, what's your name?"

I hesitate at first, I really don't wanna associate myself with this girl. I fear that if I don't though, she might send someone after me or something. "Peridot... Peridot Diamond."

"Diamond huh? Nice name. I'll call you that for now."

_I_ _would_ _really enjoy it if you didn't._ I say in my head and look down at the table. _Please, please... Can someone just take me_ _to_ _my cell already? This is so_ _uncomfortable_ _for me..._

"Alright, you look like a nice kid that doesn't seem to cause trouble. I like that but others might think you're weak for it. Now, I like you, you're a good person. So I've got a choice for you."

She pointed to the eye that didn't have the teardrop, instead, it had a small broken heart.

"My friend Topaz started this group where it's just... we got everyone's back for the ones that are in it. So if you were getting beat up on, we'd all hop in to help you. It's also guaranteed protection in here and around beach city. All you have to do is get this broken heart tattoed on ya!"

"... So you're asking me to join a gang ?"

"No no no, a group! We're not a gang at all, we don't go out of our way to beat people unless they do something bad to us first. So it's not a gang, its a group... It's like a club!"

"Hm... Okay, but what do I have to do? I'm not beating anyone up to get into your... 'group'." I stare at Aqua and raise an eyebrow. I'm not gonna lie, I'm really considering joining. Just so my life isn't at risk while I'm in here.

"Nah you already qualify, just search for me during yard time. I'll be with this really big buff girl with blonde hair. We'll take you to go get your tattoo."

"Oh about that... I don't have to get it by my eye, do I? I kinda wanna be employable."

"Don't worry, you don't need to do it by your eye!"

* * *

 

 I'm really nervous but I know this is for my own good, I need to have protection in here and possibly in Beach City. I was convincing myself that this wasn't a gang but I knew it was. This will be the only time I'll ever do this and never again. I take a deep breath as I sit in my cell, waiting for my yard time. I haven't been here long so I'm honestly completely clueless on how this whole place works.

"Diamond! Yard time! Get some exercise in, you scrawny ass!" The guard screamed before opening up my cell and coming in to get me. I'm a little hurt that even in here I'm getting bullied, I don't care anymore though. I just want to do my time and get out this freaking place.

I get to the yard area and look around, noticing a bunch of people staring at me. I felt threatened and looked around, trying to find Aquamarine and her friend Topaz. Which was nearly impossible but I did notice a very tall and buff blonde woman. I began walking towards the woman and noticed that Aqua was there with her. Aqua noticed me and smirked before walking over and patting my shoulder.

"I'm so glad that you're joining us! Now come on, let's get you your ink... I can't wait to get you in our group." She gripped my wrist and tugged me around the yard, then taking me to a secluded area. Someone already waited there with a very strange makeshift version of a tattoo machine. "Got a new one for ya Carnelian, thank you so much for doing this for us." 

"No problem Aqua, I don't like ya but I like this whole group of yours." The redhead cracked her knuckles and picked up the makeshift tattoo gun. "So the usual? Which eye are we doing it under?"

"No, it's not gonna-"

"Do it under her left eye and Topaz, hold her down." I hear Aqua say and felt Topaz grab me and forced me down. "Don't worry! I'll hold her head still !" She laughed and grabbed my face, holding me still while the tattoo gun came closer. One thing for sure, never trust Aqua fucking Marine.

* * *

 

It hurt so much and I regret it so much but I haven't got beat up. No one has stared or looked at me funny, so I'm glad for that. I... I just look like someone I'm not. Every time I look at my reflection, I never see the same person.

"Diamond, you got visitors. I think it's your mother, baby mama, and baby. Anyways, they're all here, come on don't keep them waiting."

I look towards him and nod, getting up and letting him cuff me. Part of me was happy that I finally get to see my Mom and Lapis, also Malachite. I just feel like they're gonna view me differently now. I sigh and stare at the ground as I was brought to the visiting area. They let me into this small room and uncuff me. I sit down in the small chair and wait for them to come to my station.

My Mom was first to come in, wanting to talk to me personally I guess. She stared at me through the glass, pain on her face. I want seeing her like this, she's gone through so much pain already. I picked up the phone and talk into it.

"Hey, Mom... I know I don't look the best... I just... I've been through a lot and I don't have much to say..." I say softly and she replies quickly.

"I'm sorry that it took me so long to get here... I should've never let you go with Yellow... Listen, I know what you did... I'm not against you, I'm getting you a lawyer and we're going to get through this. We can say it was in self-defense, Yellow has had a rough history with assault. -"

I cut her off. "Mom, please... I'm not worried about all of this, I'm just gonna tell them what I actually did and what happened. Yellow attacked me first then I was angry and beat her. There's not much to it... Now can we just talk about regular things? I really need a break from talking about these things." 

She nodded then glared at me. Oh, sweet Jesus, I know why she's glaring. "Peridot Diamond, I know you're in jail, but that does not mean you should get a tattoo! What the hell were you thinking ?!?"

"Mom listen I just joined a group and this tattoo was part-"

"YOU JOINED A GANG ?"

I groan and rubbed my temples, this was going to be a long visit. "Mom please, I did it for protection and it's not a gang!"

After twenty minutes of pure torture by my mother, Lapis finally came in with Mal. I smile at them and wait for Lapis to pick up the phone. She offered me a soft smile and spoke first.

"Tattoo huh? Never thought I would see something like that on you. Let alone on your face."

I chuckle and couldn't help but feel like I wasn't in jail at the moment. "Save me the talk, I already got a lecture from my Mom... How are you and Mal doing ?"

"We're doing fine, I got a part-time job. My classes are going fine too... Everything has been going great, except for you... Y'know you did get locked up."

"Yeah, I'm aware of that." I chuckle. "Let's not pay attention to that right now, I'm not in the mood to discuss my situation at the moment."

"I could do that... Mal has been missing you like crazy, she wakes up in the middle of the night searching for you. Looks like you spoiled her too much with cuddles." Lapis stroke's Mal's hair and I wish I could give both of them a big hug.

"Well, I'm missing her like crazy too... Both of you..." I sigh. "I'll try and get out of here soon, I haven't heard anything yet though... So I'm just waiting for news at the moment... Can I talk to Mal?"

Lapis nods and passes the phone to Mal. The child smiled and began to talk. "Hi Peri, you been gone." She said with slight disappointment.

"Yep, I have... I'll be home soon though and we can be together again." I press my hand against the glass and nearly cry when Mal did the same. "Soon baby girl, I'll be home... Just hang in there and take care of mama."

There was a knock at the door in the back of me, signaling that the visit was ending soon. I sigh and Lapis took the phone from Mal.

"Looks like we have to go soon... Take care of yourself Peri, I don't want you hurting yourself.. Okay?"

"Okay... I love you Lapis, I'm sorry you have to see me like this...."

"No, it's fine... I-... I love you too Peri, just get out of here soon."

There was hesitation in her voice before she said I love you. I heard it clear as day but I didn't let it affect me right now. I nodded to her and waited as a police officer came to my door, getting ready to take me back. 


	19. Chapter 19

**Peridot's P.O.V**

My lawyer came in a day after my visit with Blue and Lapis, apparently, there hasn't been any response from Yellow because she was still in bad condition.  But she's better now I'm guessing because we're going to trial and my court date is tomorrow.  Was I a little scared? Kinda. My Lawyer said I might be charged with Aggravated Assault and Battery or even attempted Murder or Manslaughter. Just because of my Mother's injuries being very brutal and life-threatening. 

Zircon said that I was going to be okay though, she said that because I'm still underaged, there's a chance for me not to be tried as an adult. Which hopefully I can stay away from that and just keep myself in juvenile hall. Right now I just lay in my bed, waiting as the time ticked by.  I'm scared for what was going to happen, I wanted to know if I'll ever see Lapis or my family again. Everything was getting better and all of a sudden it just started crashing down around me. 

Damn it... My mind is racing again and... That's never a good thing to happen. I stare up at the ceiling and regret not taking my pills while I'm in here. They've given them to me but I'd always hide them under my tongue and spit them out later. I don't want to be on medication, that's not the real me at all... I'm not going to be something I'm not...Although these past two weeks have already shown me that I'm something else.

I end up thinking about Lapis and what she said before the visit ended. It hurt, I know I didn't imagine the hesitation in her voice. I thought her and I were falling in love, we're basically raising a child together. I feel tears run down my face as I think of how Lapis probably doesn't actually love me.  It's too much, I can't go through that again... She said she loved me! We're taking care of Mal together! This can't happen! I clench the sheets to my bed and scream out, letting all my frustration out. I'm not ready for anything that was coming my way. 

 

* * *

 

I'm in the bathroom as I wait for my trial to start, staring at my reflection in the mirror. I'm nicely dressed, thank's to my mom buying me clothes just for this. It's basic stuff though just some black slacks, white button-up shirt and tie. My blonde hair is pulled back into a small ponytail, showing off my messed complexion. You can see the bags under my eyes, the slight disfigurement to my nose and the reddish area of my new tattoo.  

"Peridot, its time." I hear my lawyer and turn around, heading out of the bathroom. I hope this goes well and I can see everyone I care for again. I lift up my head and stare at the courtroom doors, slightly glancing at the officer who was going to escort me in.  Zircon left me with the officer and went inside first, obviously setting up for the case. I took a deep breath when the officer put me in handcuffs and opened up the doors. This is where it could all end. 

I keep my head down as I walk into the room and continue to do so until I have sat down. That's when I left my head and look around. I see my mother Yellow, she stares at me and I can't help but not feel anything. Yellow had stitches and multiple bruises on her face, her left eye seemed to be wrapped up too. I wonder how bad her injuries were... I guess I'll find out soon when they start talking about it. I look away from my mother and look to my lawyer instead, listening to her last minute rambling. 

The judge starts talking and I finally hear what charges are against me. My mother's lawyer began to read off the charges. "My client, Yellow Diamond, would like to charge the defendant with Attempted Murder. Reason being that my client suffered life-threatening injuries such as two broken ribs, Forehead and Eye socket fracture. Along with a broken jaw and other injuries including a concussion and cracked skull."

I take a deep breath and don't lift my head until the judge tells me to rise. I do and stare straight ahead, not making eye contact with anyone. The judge asks how I plead to these charges, I told my lawyer earlier that I wanted to plead guilty but she wouldn't let me.  She said that she could get me out of this, I don't have many choices... So I let her take charge over my situation, just giving her the okay for certain thing. 

"The defendant, Peridot Diamond, pleads not guilty. Reasons being, she was assaulted and was not taking her medication. To add onto that, this happened shortly after the custody battle between the Defendant's two parents because of her multiple suicide attempts. She was also under the influence of alcohol. There was no way she could do this with a clear mind. Since she is still seventeen years old, she should be tried as a child and not an adult." 

The judge was quiet before finally making her next statement. "Understood, although. Since Peridot is only a few months away from turning eighteen, I cannot try her as a child. She'll be tried as an adult. The first one called to the stands is Ms.Diamond, I'll allow both sides to question her." 

I glance over to my mother, seeing her stand up and shakily walk over to the stand. Guess I really did mess her up that bad... Can't say that I really care though. Her lawyer walks over in front of the judge and began their questioning. 

"Ms.Diamond, is it true that you assaulted your daughter ?" 

"Yes, I did." 

"Although you assaulted her, that does not give her the right to attack you in such a malicious way. Ms.Diamond was not able to protect herself, therefore was took advantage of. Peridot had reason to plan this attack on her that would've most likely lead to murder." 

The judge nodded and turned my attorney. "Your turn." My lawyer nodded before heading over to my mother, starting right away. 

"So, Ms. Diamond, I'm aware that you have a very violent background. From domestic abuse to anger management problems altogether-" 

"I'd like to drop the charges against Peridot Diamond, no need for further discussion." Yellow stood up and made her way down from the stands. I could hear her lawyer asking her what the hell she was doing. But she didn't take back what she said, the judge looked at my mother and asked. 

"Are you sure you want to drop these charges ?" 

"Yes, and I give all custody to her mother Blue Diamond."

"Alright, case dismissed. All charges have been dropped, Peridot Diamond, you're free to go and will be released to your mother. "

There was a slight sigh of relief behind me and I turn my head to see my mom. I smile at her and turned to the officer who was waiting by my side, letting them remove my handcuffs. I hugged my mother right away and smiled at her. Finally, I'm coming home. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heading towards the end soon :) i love all of you guys! Just a few more chapters.


	20. Chapter 20

**Peridot's P.O.V**

I'm approached by Yellow after the case, there were multiple officers around so that assured both of our safety. We were quiet and just stared at each other for what seemed to be hours. I didn't know what to say to her, she's put me through utter hell and I beat her for it. So I really don't understand why she asked my mom for permission to talk to me.

"I'm sorry." She looked me in the eyes. "It was never my intention to put you through all of this."

Yellow turned her attention to Blue, who was waiting from a distance. "I'm sorry for hurting you and your mother, I've come to see that I'm abusive and I'll get some help." She returned her attention to me and patted my head.  
  
"I should've spent more time with you and your mom. I dropped the charges because I know I caused this whole mess. I didn't want you to do time for something I made you do." Yellow pulled keys out of her pocket and handed them over. "Your car is parked out front with all of your stuff in it. I saved you the trouble of packing."

I take the keys from her and nodded to what she said. "I hope that help actually works, maybe one day we'll be able to talk again. We can only hope I'm able to forgive you when the time comes. Thanks for bringing me my stuff and for being a decent mother at times. Bye." I didn't know what to do, so I held my arm out and we awkwardly shook hands.

I walk away from her and head back towards Blue, smiling at her. "Oh, where's Lapis? I didn't see her in the courtroom today." I say as we began to walk out of the courthouse.

"She couldn't find a sitter for Mal on such short notice, so she couldn't come inside. But she is here in Beach City, she's visiting an old friend." Blue pulled out her phone and looked at her text messages. "She's at Funland Arcade if you wanna go see her."

"That sounds good, I'll take her home. So you can just start driving." I hug my mom tightly and smiled up at her. She returned the hug and I couldn't help but feel lucky to have a parent that cares.  "Well, I'm gonna get going now, see you later." I kiss my mom's cheek and leave the room.

* * *

 

I hop in my car and drive to Funland Arcade, I can't wait to surprise Lapis. I'm sure my mother didn't tell her I was out so this was going to be great. I'll surprise her, have a good day with her and Mal. Then go home and continue the life we had before this whole incident.

I pull into a parking spot and turn off my car. I look a bit too fancy for an Arcade so I did through some of my stuff. Throwing on a hoodie and changing into some basketball shorts. I undo my hair and let it down in its usual style. I smile then exit my car, heading into the place and looking around. A couple of people seemed to notice me and waved. I waved back not to be rude and began my search around the place.

I turn around a certain corner and find Mal trying to play some game. The toddler was smashing random buttons and screeching to herself. I find it the cutest thing ever and get behind the little one. "Baby, you're doing it all wrong," I say and Mal turned her small head, smiling, even more, when she noticed me.

"Peri!" She screeched and held onto me, not letting go at all. It warmed my heart and distracted me from all the loud sounds from nearby games. I hold Mal close and kiss her small head. I was so distracted by the little one, I didn't notice someone come close.

"P-Peridot? Why are you out?"

It was a familiar voice and I already knew who it was. "My mother dropped the charges Lapis, so I don't have to do any more time-" I look up and cut my conversation short, noticing that Lapis wasn't alone. Standing next to her was Jasper, giving me a smile for some reason.

"What is she doing here?" I hold onto Mal tightly as Lapis seemed to be in shock still. I took a deep breath and glared at Jasper. "Lapis, let's talk outside okay? We have a bit to talk about."

* * *

 

I sit on the hood of my car, staring Lapis right in the eyes. I couldn't believe what was happening! Why would she be talking to Jasper? Jasper's family is the reason why Lapis is so fucked up! I'm so damn mad it's not even funny! I let Mal sit in the car, not wanting her to hear any fighting.

"Why is she here Lapis? I help you get away from her and you just go back? Shits not adding back Lazuli! What's the reason behind all of this! When did this start?!" My voice raises a little and I grip my pants to control myself. It takes Lapis a moment but she eventually does reply.

"She contacted me, around the time you left home to spend the week with Yellow. At first, I didn't want to speak to her but we got talking." She looked at the ground, avoiding eye contact with me. "We talked everything out and I decided that... She and I should meet up... and we did, I met her before coming to visit you."

I hold my breath, struggling to contain myself as I hear her speak. _I knew she_ _really_ _didn't_ _mean_ _that I love you, my suspicions were_ _true_ _._

"She's different, she cut herself off from her family and has changed herself completely. Not to mention that She wants to help me take care of Mal."

That's when I finally let my anger loose. "She's changed huh? THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER LAPIS!" I bang my hands against the hood of my car. "HER OWN FAMILY MEMBER, RAPED YOU AND PAID YOUR PARENTS OFF! I SWEAR TO FUCKING GOD!" I'm breathing heavily, I just want to cry right now.

"I know Peridot! But she's not talking to them anymore! She's different! She wants to help me!"

"I WANT TO HELP YOU! I DID HELP YOU! YOUR CHILD IS BACK BECAUSE OF ME! I'VE BEEN HELPING YOU RAISE HER! NOW YOU'RE JUST GOING TO LEAVE ME ?! I THOUGHT WE HAD SOMETHING!!" I raise my hand which was balled into a fist, then slam it against the windshield.

"You were in jail! I didn't want to freeload off of your mother! I needed to make a choice that was suitable for both me and Mal. I have to do this."

There was silence yet again between us and I didn't know what to say anymore. Everything was breaking down once again and I didn't understand why. I looked down at my hand, that was actually bleeding. Guess I hit the glass pretty hard without knowing it. I sigh and look up at Lapis, she was still looking away though.

"I love you," I say as tears began to slip down my cheeks. "I love you so much, I've nearly killed myself because of you. I'm deeply in love with you and it hurts that you're doing this."

I watch as Lapis finally looks towards me, tears dripping down her cheeks too. She looked me in the eyes and shook her head we more tears escaped her.

"I don't love you."

I close my eyes and cry, feeling even worse than the first time she said it. There was nothing I could do, I just nod my head and accepted it. "Alright, I guess that's it then. Tell Mal that I'm gonna miss her." I choked out between sobs and try to control myself.

Lapis stays quiet and goes to get Mal out of the car. They leave and I stay there, just crying as I sat on the hood of my car. I guess she really didn't love me at all, great.


	21. Chapter 21

**Peridot's P.O.V**

_'I don't love you'_ were the words that played through my head during the drive home. I wanted to forget those words, I wanted to forget everything at the moment. All those happy memories meant nothing now. Did they mean anything, to begin with? Was Lapis just using me this whole time?  Was I just something for her to use when she felt depressed? Tears leaked down my cheeks and I couldn't take it anymore, I pulled over and just laid my head against the steering wheel. Everything hurt so much, I couldn't think about anything unless it was Lapis.

"Why! Why! Why!" I screamed in the privacy of my car, my cheeks burning from my tears that spilled out.  It was getting to be too much, those thoughts that I locked away long ago had now resurfaced. I look out my window and noticed the many cars driving by, most of them probably going at 50 to 70 miles per hour. I gulp as visions of walking into traffic fill my head. I know it's not the right thing to do but it felt like I had to.

I take a moment to take a deep breath and clear my mind, knowing it was best if I didn't think of those things. _'You're fine, just get home, tell your mom what's happening ... She can get you checked in to a hospital or something...'_ That's what I tell myself but I know I'm not going to talk to my mom. She's already stressed enough as it is, I can't let her idiot of a daughter ruin her even more. Either way though, I listen to the lies I tell myself and make it home safely.

* * *

 

Everyone's asleep when I get home, well I think they are. All the lights are off and it's dead quiet. I take a seat on the couch and stare straight forward, still trying to get my head around everything. _How can she just hurt me like this? AGAIN! I helped her Mal and everything, we were gonna be a family! I thought we were actually gonna work out..._ I bury my face into my hands and silently cry.  I didn't want to wake anyone, so I stayed quiet the best I could before stopping. The only reason why I stopped crying was that my head began to hurt. Everything hurt.

I go to my room and open the door slowly, feeling my heart ache more as I saw what was left of Lapis. A couple of her clothes were sprawled out around the room, we never were the cleanest of people. I sit down on the bed and pick up one of her shirts, I hold it tightly as more tears release from my eyes. _I can't do this... I really can't..._ I throw the shirt and throw myself back on the bed, my head hitting pillows. The smell of Lapis's shampoo still lingers on them and I hate it. I hate everything, nothing will be the same without her here. 

I growl and hit the wall beside me, surprisingly making a dent.  I sit up and pull my knees close, trying to think through what was happening. I can't live like this, everything was reminding me of her and it's going to only get worse. It makes me sad yet angry, really angry actually. _I did everything for her and this is how I get repaid! Total bullshit! She should be thanking me and loving me for everything! I was there for her when no one was!_ I cry even more and bang my head against the wall, wanting this pain to end. But then I realize, it can, all of this can end now. I put on a small smile and took a deep breath. It's been long enough. 

* * *

 

My mom's going out to shop for dinner, I'm not sure what it's going to be but it doesn't matter anymore. I sit in the living room and write a note for my mother, telling her that I'm gonna be out doing something. I smile and sigh, ending the note with an 'I love you'. At least I have someone that'll love me forever no matter what. I fold the note and head back to my room, locking it behind me. There's a shoebox on the floor and I kneel down in front of it, gulping at the contents inside of it. I reach into it and pick up the thing that will soon choose my fate, I have absolutely no fear towards it. If anything I've been ready for it and now it'll happen. 

I press it to my head and take a deep breath. This is it. **_Click._**


End file.
